So this guy walks into a bar...

[snoozing_kitten]

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."



“Look who the cat dragged in,” Shinya said and Toshiya happily flipped him off while they walked in. Kyo bounded in next, his cowboy hat not even as much as slipping off his fluffy blond hair.

“I am a master hunter!” Kyo said, his hand securing itself around Kaoru’s slim wrist, he lifted the hand into the air. “I bring Kaoru,” he bowed, deeply, still holding the other’s wrist, this forced Kaoru into a RELLY deep bow, he almost lost his footing but managed to not make a fool of himself. Then one eye cracked open when he straightened, “that is your name?”

“Yeah, Kaoru Niikura!” Toshiya added from the kitchen, he had wasted no time in finding nourishment, on a normal non-kidnapped night he would have went home and ate, watched some late night television then slept for a couple of hours.

“Welcome to the party,” Shinya said sarcastically from the couch, he held the remote oddly tight, his deadpan voice carried over the sound of rapid gunfire emitting lowly from the electronic box.

“Where’s Die?” Toshiya asked, it seemed every time that Kaoru was involved Die would pull some sort of vanishing act or another. Kyo cackled evilly and Toshiya gave him a level look, Shinya let out a small sigh that couldn’t be heard over the sounds of the house and Kaoru for the first time noted that indeed Die was no where to be found but he could detect the faintest sound of the shower running, ‘This late at night?!’

“Warumono poured chocolate syrup in his hair while they were fooling around in the kitchen,” Shinya said all in one breath, Kaoru looked disbelievingly at the small innocent looking –minus the maniacal laughter- man, to do such brutal things to someone’s hair! “Now he’s in the shower,”

“Serves him right,” Kyo said since he had stopped posing and laughing, Toshiya had whapped him in the back of his fluffy head; almost dislodging his hat.

“What did he do to deserve that?” Kaoru asked, out of mild curiosity, he would like to save his own hair form the chocolate treatment, though hadn’t he read somewhere that it was good for the roots…?

“He called me cute” Kyo said with an adorable pout,

‘Note to self do not call Kyo cute,’ Kaoru thought while Kyo and Toshiya continued their discussion more silently in the kitchen. Kaoru plopped noiselessly on the couch next to Shinya; the couch was comfy and embraced his backside just the right way. He wanted the couch, he really wanted the couch so very badly, what a sexy couch…- his thoughts were cut off-

“KYO!” Kaoru jumped when the heard the yell to his left, he whirled and there standing in the doorway from the bedroom hall was Die, he was dripping slightly, the rivulets of water meandering their paths down his toned chest. Crimson hair was plastered to his head and was just short of falling in his eyes; he clutched a towel around his waist a very…small towel, with one hand and had the other propping himself against the wall. Kaoru blinked for a moment, his pulse sped up and he could tell that his breathing had dropped a slight bit, but could he be blamed? No, of course not, Die was standing like a vengeful –towel- god and Kaoru found it to be incredibly sexy…

“Wha?” the ‘innocent’ one asked, looking bewildered he looked at Die standing there dripping wet –and clear of all chocolate- and couldn’t suppress a snicker. “Did you lock yourself out of your room again Die?”

“Don’t play innocent, give me back my clothes and my towel! Or at least my keys!” Die said; his fist clutched his tiny towel protectively.

“I didn’t take your keys…” Kyo said frowning, but now that he thought about it, it was a brilliant plan!

“Don’t lie-“ Die was in the middle of glaring at Kyo when Toshiya caught his eyes, Die followed them to look directly into a pair of amused almost black eyes that did not belong to either Kyo, Toshiya or Shinya. Kaoru gave him an amused smile and a mock polite wave, Die flushed red to the roots of his hair and clutched his towel tighter. Kyo who couldn’t help but find this funny –he was like a hyena that way…- burst out into a fit of what sounded suspiciously like giggling. “KYO!” He yelled again, the other bit into his hand to stop from laughing, Toshiya had taken a step away from Kyo. Kaoru looked back and forth between the two, he didn’t understand what was going on fully but it was funny!

“I didn’t take your stuff, I went to pick up Toshiya and Kaoru…” Die didn’t seem to believe him. Shinya had been oddly silent during this exchange, Kaoru turned to look at him, the other looked like he was trying hard not to laugh, he was almost twitching with the effort. Kaoru frowned for a moment, then it dawned on him …Shinya looked taller, like he was sitting on something… The blond man caught Kaoru’s eyes and much to his surprise the normally less playful one winked at him, so he remained silent.

“The only other one here would have been Shinya!” Die said, clearly not believing that Shinya would do something so low as to steal his clothing –his keys were in his pocket-, lock the door to his bedroom, steal his towel, and snatch his spare key, had Die been thinking properly he might have realized that this was all a little beyond Kyo, besides Kyo couldn’t even reach his spare key.

Then it happened, to fast for anyone to react, Shinya tossed a small glittering object at the dripping man, it sailed in a perfect arch,

“Catch,” he stated in his perfect monotone, Die didn’t even think, he lifted both his hands to catch the flying object. In the same instant he let go of the towel, it fell away and he caught the spare key to his room.

There was a gasp from Toshiya, and Die blinked for a couple of seconds what happened not quite hitting him, and when it did he bolted down the short hall to his bedroom. That left two of them blinking, one looking like he was about to burst out laughing, and the last with a smug smile.

“That was more of Die then I ever wanted to see…” Toshiya stated right after the sound of a door closing echoed through the apartment.

“Told him it wasn’t me, Shinya you perv,” Kyo laughed, the other only gave him a level –if not a bit prideful- look.

“That wasn’t funny,” Die said a little crossly, he was pulling a shirt over his head, while at the same time trying to do up his belt; but his eyes shone with his usual childish humour.

“Nope,” Kyo agreed with faked seriousness, “it was hilarious!” Kyo burst into his odd semi-giggling.

“Do you like popcorn Kaoru?” Toshiya asked loudly over his hyena-like friend, Die smiled and walked into the kitchen, he glared mockingly at Shinya and the other smiled sardonically back.

“Yeah!” Kaoru turned so he was looking past Shinya into the kitchen, the three of them were laughing at something that Kaoru couldn’t see.

“Want a soda?” Die called from the kitchen, his voice tinged with laughter.

“Sure,” Kaoru called again, Toshiya giggled and Die chuckled, Shinya rolled his eyes.

“Hey,” The television suddenly changed, from the explosions, and some sweaty beat-up action star to the sugary over sweetness of some girl-pop band. Kaoru turned to look at Shinya and was surprised to find the other looking at him intensely, he shuddered, had anybody ever told this boy not to stare; it was creepy –in fact Kaoru only had a thing against being stared at.

“Hm?” Kaoru said, his eyes briefly flicked up to Die who was posing with a bowl on his head, he had his hand up in a mock salute, Kyo held a wooden spoon like a gun and was also posing- Toshiya was laughing. Kaoru couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his cheeks and when he looked back at Shinya the other was ignoring him, instead his brown eyes were staring straight ahead at the television screen. Kaoru shrugged to himself, it must have not been important.

Kyo walked in next, singing loudly; his deep voice was raised in a fake high pitch- the fact that he knew the words was disturbing enough- he even wiggled his small butt in time to the beat, Kaoru stared on in shock and Shinya snickered silently. In his small arms he carried all five drinks at once, balancing them effortlessly –this had earned him a foul look from Die- he placed the drinks on the small table in front of the couch and continued his little wiggle dance back towards the kitchen. Once both Kaoru and Shinya thought he was safely away he took a running leap.

“ACK!” Kaoru shrieked –very manly- when a small fluff of blond hair landed on his lap, face pressed into his crotch. There was a gasp from the other person on the couch, Shinya had the wind knocked out of him when a thankfully light midget of a man threw himself at the couch.

“???” Two heads popped out of the kitchen to look at the scene, Kyo’s short legs dangled off the end of the couch and Shinya was tugging at the back of Kyo’s pants trying to dislodge the smaller man from his pelvic bone. Staring down in shock at the mass of blond hair that was where his crotch should be Kaoru noted absently that Kyo had lost his hat.

“Hehehe,” Kyo laughed to himself and Kaoru turned a lovely pink colour –to match his hair-

“Kyo! Stop trying to chew through Kaoru’s pants!” Toshiya called playfully from the kitchen,

“MMMmmmm, denim…”

“!!!!” Kaoru looked scandalized, he squirmed and tugged at the blond hair, “get off of me!”

“Kyo, Get offa him,” Die’s tone was playful, but it had a hard undertone, a voice that Die rarely used, Shinya stopped tugging at Kyo’s belt loops to look at Die. It flew right over Toshiya’s head and he continued to giggle helplessly. Kyo raised his head much to Kaoru’s relief, he grinned devilishly and cackled, he tried to get up, but he managed only to knee Shinya in the stomach and to grope Kaoru.

“Oops heeheehee,” Kyo said chuckling evilly while Shinya gasped and Kaoru blushed. There was a loud smacking noise and Kyo yelped –in a more manly way; much to Kaoru’s embarrassment- Shinya’s long hand landed with a firm slap across his backside.

“Kyo, why don’t you go help Toshiya with all the pop corn?” Die asked and the little man rolled off the two abused boys.

“I’ll supervise,” Shinya said wisely before he vacated his space on the couch and wandered into the kitchen to make sure the ditz and the spaz didn’t burn down the house making popcorn. Die plopped down in Shinya’s recently vacated spot.

“He didn’t hurt you did he?” Die asked softly, he was sitting close to the slightly older man, and it stirred a sense of déjà vu within him. “If he did he didn’t mean to, he’s harmless, this is just how he has fun, please don’t be mad-“ Die was babbling to himself. Kaoru let a small sweet smile pass his face, in all his life these people were the best ‘possible-friends’ that he had ever met, if he had to occasionally put up with Kyo trying to chew through his pants then so be it. He put a small hand up to Die’s mouth to silence him.

“I’m fine,”

“You’re not freaked out?” Die raised an eyebrow and Kaoru smiled at him secretly.

“It could be worse,”

“I don’t see how.” Die said and smiled at Kaoru, the other grinned back.

“Well if you promise to protect me from him then I’ll stay,” Kaoru said finally, his smile teasing and sweet, Die scooted closer.

“Then I wont leave your side.” Die said, he boldly wrapped an arm around Kaoru’s shoulders, the other smiled playfully; and swatted him.

“I’ll need Shinya to protect me from you!” Die gave a smirk and they both laughed.

“Did you say you needed me?” Shinya stuck his head out from the kitchen and they looked up, they made the cutest picture, like a couple on their first date, the taller ‘man’ with a protective arm wrapped around the smaller ‘woman’s’ shoulders, looking guilty. Kaoru shook his head,

“No we were just talking,” Kaoru said and Die beamed at Shinya the physical contact making him happy.

“Okay, is the DVD player set up?” Shinya asked,

“Yeah-“ Die was about to say something more when Shinya suddenly disappeared and his deep voice could be heard,

“No Kyo don’t do that!”

“So what are we watching?” Kaoru said, he relaxed into the couch; he couldn’t decide what he wanted to curl into more, Die or the couch. ‘One day’ he vowed to himself, ‘One day I will own this couch’

“Jaws.”

“!!!”




A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 18," replies the barman.


“!!!” Kaoru clung to Die’s arm; his eyes squeezed shut, Toshiya was hiding his eyes behind Shinya’s arm, Kyo was trying not to laugh. It was a tense moment in the movie, the music was slowly climbing becoming tenser by the second, and Die thought that his arm was going to bruise, Kaoru had him in a death grip…

And then the shark attacked, Kaoru promptly buried his face in Die’s shoulder, Die was yanked to the other side of the couch were Kaoru used him as a human shield, Kyo stared in fascination as the fake blood stained the water a tacky red colour, Toshiya squealed and Shinya was trying to pull the taller man off of him via his long dark blue hair.

Kaoru hated scary movies, the tense moments made his heart beat and the adrenaline rush through his body, it was like a roller coaster- he didn’t like roller coasters- and he wanted off. Die was like his log in the middle of a lake, he could cling to him and feel the smallest bit of comfort, after all even if you cling to log in the lake and don’t drown that still leaves you stuck in the middle of the lake…lake…sharks…Kaoru whimpered softly. Die’s eyes were glued to the television screen, in a small portion of his brain indeed he was aware that his ‘one true love’ was clinging to his arm and hiding in his shoulder but the movie was just that much more interesting at this point.

Kaoru poked his eyes out to see if it was safe, it looked safe enough he let go of Die, blushing slightly when he realized how close he had been holding the red-haired youth.

“Anyone else need a drink?” he said quickly before even waiting for an answer he scrambled off the couch, there was a small squawk where he had stepped on the blue haired male. He quickly hurried through the door into the kitchen, all turned to look at him, but Toshiya who was rubbing his head –where Shinya had pulled his hair- and his foot –where Kaoru had stepped on him- why were they abusing him, they shouldn’t hate him because he was beautiful!

Shinya hit the pause button; Die snapped out of his minor stupor, he blinked at the frozen television screen, then at the blond man looking expectantly at him, still holding the remote control.

“I don’t think he knows where the drinks are,” Shinya said coolly; Die blinked, for a moment frowning. He shrugged liquidly and got off the couch –narrowly missing Toshiya who didn’t want to move despite the dangers of his placement.

“Hey, Kaoru?” Die walked into the kitchen, Kaoru was staring around the small space, looking like a lost child, his eyes roamed from one cupboard to another, wanting to look through them, but not wanting to at the same time, lest he find Die hidden stash of, something, he couldn’t think of anything that Die would stash in the kitchen; but it would be embarrassing…

“Oh hey,” Kaoru looked up at the taller red haired man, Die had an amiable smile on his face, he looked like a big kid right now and it almost caused a fond smile to grace Kaoru’s face, “Where are the cups?” That about summed it up, a twelve year old in a twenty four year old body…

“Here,” Die walked past him to a cupboard, “Where Kyo can’t reach them, with the sharper knives,” he joked, Kaoru laughed at that, the movie had left an unsettled feeling in his stomach and he still needed to watch the rest of it. He could have just left but that wouldn’t do much for his budding social life now wound it? He stretched onto his toes and pulled down a stack of cups. “Anyone else want a drink?” He hollered out towards the living room, he needn’t have yelled, both Kyo and Shinya were straining to hear every word spoken between the two of the, Toshiya looked more engrossed in his nails.

“Thanks,” Kaoru muttered, he smiled and opened Die’s fridge, there were many things in there, from leftovers from the last time he had dinner with Auntie –they had been claimed by the Warumono himself, who had preceded to write his name in marker over the top of the plastic container. Also there was a wide assortment of beverages, Kaoru shook his head, could one man drink that much?

“I’ll have some fruit juice!” Toshiya said,

“Get me a beer!” Kyo cried

“Fruit milk!” Shinya said, Die rolled his eyes and Kaoru suppressed a smile, yes indeed Die would go through that many groceries wouldn’t he?

“What’ll you have?” Die said, Kaoru hadn’t realized that Die was talking to him; indeed he was just standing there staring absently into Die’s refrigerator, thinking about Die and his odd bunch of friends. Die letting an evil grin cross his face walked soundlessly over to where Kaoru was still staring blankly into his fridge. He hummed the Jaws theme in his head as he got closer, large hands landed on Kaoru’s lower back causing the smaller man to jump, and he straightened up quickly, not the best move.

“Ahh!” Kaoru squeaked when his head came into contact with the solid frame of the kitchen appliance, that was another one for his hit list right up there with that foul pole.

“Kaoru!” Die cried holding the smaller man to his chest; he seemed all right a little dazed. Die bit his lip; he hadn’t expected Kaoru to be so jumpy, the poor boy had almost jumped right out of his skin, Die mentally noted not to scare Kaoru lest he give the other heart failure.

“Owww,” Kaoru moaned, hand automatically coming up to hold Die and his head, it hurt, a sharp pain in his skull, but it wasn’t life threatening, and the incident with the pole was worse; way worse, this was only a small tap, it would stop hurting soon, well he hoped so anyways, if not then he would have to murder the stupid refrigerator instead of just maiming it. It slipped his mind that Die had cause this whole problem and not the motionless white object…lucky for Die…

“M’sorry, does it hurt to much?”

“No,” Kaoru smiled up at Die, they were close so very close and Die was looking at him, concern and vague amusement swimming in his dark brown eyes. Kaoru smiled back, “Not to much, it was a rather blond thing to do wasn’t it?”

“I heard that,” Kyo muttered sulkily from the living room before Shinya smacked him to be quite, he was listening intently to Die and Kaoru’s conversation and letting his mind run wild, what could have happened, all had been silent then there was a loud thump and Kaoru’s ‘dignified’ noise and Die apologizing. The perverted side of his mind supplied a couple of scenarios, each less plausible then the last.

“Still sorry,” Die said with a soft smile he let go of Kaoru, “Movie got you freaked out?” There was a small smirk on his face and Kaoru flushed,

“N-no!” Die gave him an incredulous look, “…A bit, I don’t like scary movies…” Die laughed,

“It’s not that scary,”

“I know,” Kaoru looked at his small feet, his cheeks turning a rosy hue, “lem’me alone!”

“It’s cute,” Die said with a wink at the other man, Kaoru flush worsened,

“Don’t mock me,” Kaoru said with a small pout, his thin lips pursing together in a gesture that made Die want to pick him up and snuggle him, Kyo did it all the time.

“I’ll protect you,” Die suddenly went a bit pale –lucky for him Kaoru didn’t notice- he sounded just like Toshiya when he did that; the thought was creepy, way creepy… “No shark is going to get while I’m here,”

“Yeah, big strong Die,” Kaoru deadpanned, a small smile flitting across his elegant face, “protect little ole me,” his fake falsetto made Die snicker,

“Don’t worry fair one,” Die forced his voice as deep as it would go, Kaoru broke out in a fit of laugher, Die grinned, Kaoru was beautiful when he was happy, and he had succeeded in relaxing the smaller one, he was worried Kaoru might want to leave, and he was still sorry about scaring him… “So what do you want to drink?”

“I’ll have a fruit milk too,” Toshiya was right, it was nicer when you weren’t the one pouring the drinks… and he vaguely remembered from the last time that he was here that Die had good fruit milk, mmm Die’s milk, his face suddenly turned bright red.

“Shinya really likes this brand of fruit milk too,” Die was commenting absently while pouring drinks when he noticed that Kaoru had gone oddly silent, he looked up through his bangs to see the other man looking at him, bright red flush spreading across his cheeks. “Kaoru?”

“Nothing!” Kaoru said suddenly, “Nothing, nothing, nothing,” he muttered, blushing worse, Die raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing?” Kaoru nodded quickly,

“Nothing,” Die let the silence stretch on till he could see Kaoru breaking slightly, “I was thinking that I liked your milk too!” Kaoru confessed suddenly blushing and Die let out a short laugh, “Your fruit milk! Pervert!” Kaoru cried, his smile showing through his embarrassment,

“I’ll have to let you taste my ‘really’ good milk one day,” he said with a wink.

“Ack!” Kaoru cried, his hands covering his burning face, he laughed at Die, and at his own embarrassment.

“They think I’m weird,” Kyo muttered before both Shinya elbowed him sharply in the ribs, he whimpered softly, he had also done that when he had tried to reclaim his favourite spot on the couch again as well, big meanie; must be PMSing again.

“Here you carry these two, I have the other two,” Die gave Kaoru the two glasses of fruit milk and he carried two beers himself. Kaoru entered the living room, where the three of them looked at him, Toshiya with a small smile and Kyo with a naughty grin, Shinya was just staring again, damn he was creepy when he did that.

“This one is for you,” Kaoru said handing one of the cups over to Shinya the other gave him a sweet smile.

“Thank you, Die’s fruit milk is always the best isn’t it?” the question posed innocently caused the blush to bloom across Kaoru’s cheeks rapidly. Shinya smirked and Kyo giggled evilly, Die also snickered from somewhere behind him.

“Where’s my juice?” Toshiya asked, as Die handed the beer to Kyo, Kaoru was for once thankful for Toshiya as the taller man took the focus off of him and his discomfort…

“…In the kitchen…” Die said with a sheepish smile, Toshiya pouted,

“Go get it?”

“…No” Toshiya glared at Die, this was so totally ‘cruelty to Toshiya day’, he unfolded long legs and stalked off to the kitchen to get his own juice.

“Shinya start the movie again already,” Kyo whined when the taller two had settled back on the couch together –it was then that he realized why Shinya hadn’t let him have his spot back, wow Shinya sure was smart…-

“No!!” Toshiya whined loudly from the kitchen –where he was stalling as a pitiful form of revenge against Die who made him get his own drink. Shinya rolled his eyes, Kaoru smiled, Die grinned, and Kyo smirked wickedly.

“Remember I’ll protect you,” Die whispered into Kaoru’s ear, he leaned over so he was closer to the smaller man. Kaoru grinned,

“You’ll get eaten instead of me?”

“If I need to.” Die laughed and Kaoru smiled back, that was sweet, in a sort of morbid way.

When Toshiya got back and sat down –still pouting- it took about ten minutes into the movie before Kaoru had forgotten his drink and was clinging desperately to Die, who was torn between looking smug and staring mindlessly at the movie…



A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

~~~

“You?” Kaoru asked, the other man was leaning casually against the bar, his elbow propped against the solid wood, lit cigarette dangling from his lips, he seemed lost in thought, it was a little before the bar opened, Yoshiki was out tonight- he had some party to attend to- and so he had left You in charge. You was a little older then Kaoru, and was seemingly emotionless –Yoshiki seemed to attract these types, and Toshiya-. It was easy to believe the sarcastic man was cold as ice, his eyes cool and his outlook on life cynical. That is until Gackt walks into the room, Kaoru had never seen anyone get to You so bad. Gackt would press and press until You would start to look desperate, it was rather amusing, everyone thought so but You himself. At the same time it was sweet, anyone could see that You was in love with Gackt, not that the tall man would ever admit it.

“Hmm?” You looked down at the smaller man, nor even a flicker of interest in his deep brown eyes.

“I want to know something,” Kaoru leaned he had his back pressed against the counter so that he was facing away from the other man, this was a bit embarrassing; You wasn’t what he would call his friend, but who else was there to go to? He didn’t really have any friends, the closest he had at the moment was Die and his friends but he couldn’t talk to them, and what would he say to his parents? ‘Hi mom, I’m in love with this older guy and I’ve loved him for like ever, but then I met this other guy and now I don’t know who I’m more attracted too, or even if I like either of them…’

“Then what do you want?” You sounded annoyed, something must have been on his mind, he snubbed the cigarette out almost violently then looked at the smaller man. Kaoru got the impression that he wasn’t in the best of moods,

“Is something wrong?” Kaoru winced, he didn’t like prying into other people’s lives and You hated it when people pried, but that’s sure what it seemed like he was doing.

“No.” Kaoru sighed in relief, he wouldn’t have known what to do had You chose to open up to him anyways.

“I wanted to ask you, how do you know if you’re in love?” It suddenly seemed like such a stupid question to ask, the stare that he was pinned with wasn’t helping much. “I mean…it’s complicated…and”

“Why are you asking me?” You said he gave a slightly defeated sigh, resting his head on his hands, hunching over tiredly.

“Well, I suppose I have no one else;”

“So you decided to bother me?”

“You don’t have to make it sound so mean,” Kaoru mimicked Toshiya to try and lighten the mood; You gave him a slight smile, the twitching of thin lips.

“So why do you want to know anyways?” You asked, Kaoru’s eyes darted to the door, and then quickly surveyed the room before resting back on You, peering almost shyly through light pink bangs.

“Well I’ve liked Yoshiki-sama for quite some time,” Kaoru looked away, it felt so weird to say it out loud the only one who knew was his diary- journal, it was a journal! So not a diary…

“Tch…” You snorted; Kaoru pretended he didn’t hear that.

“But then I …met,” Kaoru flushed thinking about the pole, damn pole, “someone else, and I think that I might like him more…”

“…” You lifted a pale eyebrow and Kaoru looked away, he was being stupid and he knew it but still…his journal –diary- wasn’t helping and he wanted answers, he wasn’t about to stoop as low at to write to some online love advice column…yet.

“…” Kaoru answered feeling even more stupid by the second, You only stared absently at him; suddenly a voice from behind him spoke and Kaoru almost died of shock.

“Sounds to me like you need to lay them both then pick,”

“No one asked for your advice,” You said coldly, drawing himself up to his full height, which was considerable. Gackt only smiled at him, not daunted in the least by You’s cold tones. Kaoru raised an eyebrow at him, still embarrassed but glad that it wasn’t Toshiya, besides Toshiya had his day off –not that the other man wasn’t known for coming in randomly when he had his day off.

“So if I sleep with them I can choose?”

“That’s how I chose You,” Gackt said confidently, You didn’t look offended at all, instead he had schooled his face into a bored look.

“…Die…” Kaoru muttered to himself, personally that didn’t seem like such a good idea, it would hurt Die to sleep with him only to think that Yoshiki was better…it didn’t sound right at all. He wondered if Yoshiki would mind, he hoped so, but at the same time Yoshiki was mysterious and he didn’t know a lot about him, that was half his allure… Kaoru bit his lip; this wasn’t helping much.

“What do you like about Yoshiki and this ‘other guy’?” Gackt was being ignored, no one even wondered how he got into the bar before it opened; he just did things like that.

“Yoshiki-sama, well Yoshiki-sama is….Yoshiki” Kaoru tried of think of the exact word, ‘Yoshiki makes me melty…’

“Yes,” You nodded, “Yoshiki is Yoshiki,” He smirked and Kaoru glared at him,

“Yoshiki…is irresistible, he’s just so cool, so …intense” Kaoru flushed, he could tell Gackt was giving him an odd look from just behind dark glasses, “and he always wears sunglasses, even inside and at night,” You cast a quick look at Gackt who was smiling at Kaoru and Kaoru who was trying to keep his face, You shook his head, odd times.

“It’s a good trick,” Gackt said at last grinning at Kaoru, the other smiled back,

“It is,”

“And this other guy?”

“Die,” Kaoru added quickly,

“Whatever,” You said, “What do you like about Die?”

“Die, nice, he’s cute, funny, and he’s like a big dog,” Kaoru almost frowned, that made him sound like some sort of animal pervert… “He’s sweet, and his friends are nice,”

“Sounds like you like him already,” You said, Kaoru frowned, he didn’t like Die better he just knew him better, he chewed his lip, they had to open soon.

“But…I’ve always liked Yoshiki,”

“I still think you should fuck ‘em both then choose,” Gackt muttered and Kaoru and You chose to ignore him,

“You’re just clinging to your high school girl’s crush,” You levelled his stare on the shorter man, “just let go and do what your heart wants, let it think for you, and you won’t go wrong,” Kaoru smiled

“Thanks,” ‘even if you did only say that to shut me up…’ “I’ll go and open up,” and he thought of You’s words as he made his way to the door to put the menu sign out, he could still hear the two behind him bickering.

“That was beautiful,” Gackt

“Whatever, why are you even here?” You asked, annoyance in his voice

“I came to pick you up,”

“I just started my shift I won’t be leaving for hours,”

“Then I’ll wait for hours,”

“…Whatever,” Kaoru smiled to himself; somehow the annoyance in his voice didn’t quite seem as real anymore.

~~

“Shinya?” Toshiya called, he used his spare key to open the door to the shorter man’s small apartment, no answer came so he closed the door behind him, hanging his coat on the hook, he quickly took of his shoes and put them where Shinya had designated that shoes should go, he never left his own shoes there because they would never all fit. “You in Shin-chan?” Toshiya called out again, it was hard to know with Shinya, often he would hide in room listening to his head phones, and never know the rest of the world existed.

“Woof,” there was a small yip and Toshiya looked down at Shinya’s dog Miyu, the small thing was looking up at him, huge wide eyes, she looked cuter then Kyo –one of the many reasons Miyu was Kyo pronounced worst enemy.

“Hey there babe, is Shin-chan in?” Toshiya cooed at the dog, it gave him a funny look, he smiled.

“Woof,” Miyu repeated softly, she had long gotten used to the fact that they wouldn’t understand her, but at the same time she found it endlessly amusing to annoy them by talking especially Kyo, the blond one would sit there while she spoke to him, and when he wouldn’t get up and do a dance she would attack his leg. It was so funny to see him get all mad, and then her master, the most beautiful man alive, would come and save her, there was no fault in her plans. She got here sadistic streak from her owner.

“Is Shinya in his room?” Toshiya asked, squatting down till he was close to the floor and smiling at Miyu, she wanted to roll her eyes

“Woof,” of course he was in his room. Miyu liked Toshiya the man was pretty, if not a little dense; all beauty and no brain as Shinya liked to say. But of all her master’s friends Miyu liked Die the best, his hands were big and warm and it felt nice when he held her. His smile was kind, and since she was colour blind –as dogs are- his violently red hair did not bother her.

Die was special to her master, Miyu could tell that much; Miyu was a smart animal, but no matter where she hid she couldn’t escape listening to Shinya’s long winded speeches about how much he secretly loved Die –they weren’t long nor speeches but to a hyper little dog, being forced to sit and listen to Shinya talk for any length of time seemed like forever- and how he thought that they should be together. Miyu would have liked that if Die and Shinya ‘got together’ Miyu didn’t quite know what that meant, but he figured it would include Die getting on top of Shinya, and well Miyu didn’t know much more; she had after all never been allowed to do such things with other dogs. But she liked Die and Shinya always looked so sad when he was all alone, sometimes even Miyu just wasn’t enough company, maybe if another person stayed here Shinya would look happier. Toshiya dropped by a lot and that made Shinya happy, so the little dog smiled –as best she could- Toshiya laughed and Miyu proceeded to lead the way to Shinya’s room.

Toshiya smiled fondly at the small animal, some days it almost seemed like the little dog knew what he was saying…

~~

‘Dear People in my head’ Kaoru wrote, as he did every time he wrote in his …journal.

‘Today I talked to You,’ Kaoru had the urge to scribble that out, for one that sounded lame, even to him, and if anyone ever snuck into his room –or even cared enough to- and stole his book they would think he was stark raving mad, not that he wasn’t… His hand paused over the next line not quite sure how to express himself with his words and his to-perfect-to-be-real symbols ‘Him and Gackt tried to help me with my Die/Yoshiki-sama problem,’ Kaoru giggled almost silently to himself, it was odd calling it a problem, ‘You told me to make a list, a kind of pro-con list, and Gackt told me to fuck them, I think I’ll go with You’s idea, I don’t want to hurt Die or Yoshiki’ he quickly drew himself a quick table,

‘Die- Funny, hot, friendly, caring, smile, good taste in fruit milk, couch
Yoshiki- Serous, smart, wealthy, sexy, caring, witty, strong’

It seemed like Yoshiki was better, but a small part of him called out to Die, a small part of him loved the way that Die smiled, a small part of him loved the way that Die made him melt and soar at the same time.

With his pen poised over the paper he was suddenly hit with a thought, it was a realization so hard and fast that it made his head reel. What the hell was he doing?! First off he was acting like he could just pick and choose, was he so vain that he thought someone who was rich and sophisticated –a small inane part of his brain urged him to add that to the Yoshiki list- would like him?! Or someone as sweet –one more for Die- and beautiful as Die would like him? Kaoru looked at the list and was surprised to see a small pool of water messing up his ink, the small perfectly cultivated symbols blurring, Kaoru gasped softly touching his wet cheeks. He hadn’t realized how much he just wanted to be loved, like any other person he wanted to be wanted. He angrily crossed out his list, scribbling over the words until the ink and the small tears mixed together to obscure all traces of his vanity.

Sighing heavily he put the book down, he didn’t even feel like trying to put this feeling into words but if he was forced to try it felt emotionally like someone hit him with a truck, his stomach felt unsettled by his heart and he just wanted to sleep now. Sleep now and either dream of true love or maybe purple cows, either was normal for his dreams.





A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."


“So Kaoru, if you don’t like scary movie what kind of movies do you like?” Die had run into Kaoru while the boy was on his way back from late afternoon classes. Kaoru had been slightly shocked to see Die, partially happy and at the same time he felt lost and sad, that passed soon after as Die offered to buy him ice cream.

They sat on a green bench, the small campus park was warm in the afternoon heat –had they looked far enough and hard enough they would have found Shinya and Kyo working under a tree nearby, but as neither wanted to walk around in such oppressive heat they stayed on the bench. Kaoru flushed slightly at the question, studying his feet with the scrutiny of a surgeon about to set to work. When he didn’t reply Die only smiled wickedly to himself –a move taught to him by Kyo- and poked Kaoru in the ribs, the other squawked and glared at him for a moment.

“I like…romance movies…” Kaoru chuckled nervously, it was true, he liked romance movies, but at the same time he hated them; they made him cry so easily… like this one he had watched last weekend –the day after Kyo’s little celebration about his book- he couldn’t remember the name, but he remembered that it had been so sad, all that they went through just to be together, he sniffled mentally at the memory, only to be torn apart by an accident. And then…the sad Chinese ballad, it went on and on –he didn’t understand a word of it, but you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out it was sad- so he had sat on his couch –not as comfy as Die’s- and cried his pretty eyes out hugging his trusty tissue box. If anyone who knew the normally calm composed Kaoru were to see him like that? Well simply; they would laugh themselves silly.

“Romance?” Kaoru blushed at the slightly amusement in that deep voice, the smile curling around full lips, and the fact that his ice cream had melted while he was thinking and was currently running down the end of his hand.

“Yeah I like romance movies,”

“So does Auntie, that and action,” Die laughed, Auntie was a great fan of the James Bond series, ignoring the fact that her English was terrible –she never bothered to learn it as well as Die had. “She made me watch Lan Yu with her the other night,” Die rolled his eyes

“That was such a good movie!” Kaoru cried suddenly, Die blinked at the smaller man, his face a mix of humour and sceptical belief. Kaoru was just too good to be true, the smaller man was not only gorgeous to look at but he was so…odd. Die had never met anyone so refreshing as Kaoru –saying Kaoru was odd was really quite the compliment considering the people that he called his friends. To him Kaoru was like a fresh breeze, someone to sweep through his life and make everything right again, someone to clear away all the guilt from is past, someone he could love. Kaoru was just loveable; his odd quirky manner was like a beacon; his small smiles like sugar and his blush like yummy yummy chocolate sauce! Die was almost willing to say that he wanted Kaoru more then the ice cream that was melting all over the smaller man, but it was really hot… “It was sad, but so cute!” Kaoru continued oblivious to all that went on in the other mans head. “Lan Yu was so sweet, he really was, but they other guy was a bit of a jerk, how could he do that?!” Kaoru continued to rage against the movie character while Die listened patiently –he thought the other guy was cool.

“It had a sad ending,” Die remembered, yes, he had been hugging Auntie while she cried, he could see Kaoru sitting all alone on his couch weeping in his mind, laughing softly out loud earned an odd look from the other man sitting beside him.

“It was sad…” Kaoru said watching the ice cream slowly drip down his hand, and then it hit him, what the hell was Die doing watching a Boy Love romance movie? He peered at the other man out of the corner of his eye, making sure his face was covered with a thin curtain of light pink hair. Die was slowly licking up his ice cream, wet pink tongue darting out to lap at the melting frozen treat ‘Die’s milk’ his mind echoed and his face came to life in a full blush.

“This is really good,” Die said licking away the melted portion of his treat, actually it was really good… had he looked up he would have saw Kaoru blushing and squirming, looking not at him, but giving odd glances occasionally at the treat melting all over his hand.

“I-it is,” Kaoru echoed weakly, it was white and creamy, and it was running down his hand…

“You should eat that soon, or it’ll end up all over the ground,” Die frowned; But Kaoru only continued to look at it oddly, looking at it like he wanted to either throw it or lick it up.

“Eat it,” Kaoru echoed again, his deep brown eyes –almost black- staring vacantly at the frosted treat.

“…” Die said staring at the smaller man, a smile gracing his face, what he wouldn’t give to know the other man thought about while he was zoned out like that.

“…” Kaoru answered, he stared at the ice cream, his thoughts tilting from one side to the other; behind dark eyes his brain was working over time. The little chibi Kaorus that ran the inside of his brain were all screaming, pushing buttons and throwing levers letting thoughts loose faster then his pretty little head could handle them.

‘My friend Die just broke up with his boyfriend, I think he would like you’ ‘You’re single? How amazing? You really should meet my friends’ ‘Let’s be ‘Friends’’ ‘I am Die the butt watcher’ Words echoed in his mind, the way Die had slung an arm around him while they were watching Jaws –he’d been to freaked to notice-, Toshiya’s offhand comments to the patrons he loved to chat with, the last seemed more like a line from a bizarre dream but he remembered Die saying that, sarcasm maybe or had it been Fernando? All of this remembered, random facts coming together to form one whole picture. A picture of him and Die sitting on a couch together, Die’s strong arm slung loosely around Kaoru’s shoulders and the other man snuggled against his side, one possessive arm slung around taught stomach. Kaoru flushed, and finally he understood, he understood so clearly, Die liked boys, he was a boy, and Die liked him.

Or he hoped so.

Kaoru wanted nothing more the to be loved, like any good character in a romance movie, he would wait for his knight in shining armour, Kaoru decided that he needed to seek help the moment he realized that he had cast himself into the role of the princess and had even imagined himself in a nice dress; like he would wear a dress.

“Kao~ru!” Die said nudging the smaller boy softly with his elbow; the white creamy liquid was staring to run down one soft forearm. Die was really starting to think that Kaoru had left him, mind running away screaming off to another planet.

“Huh?! Oh, sorry,” Kaoru flushed sweetly, “I zoned out there for a sec,” he peered at Die though his soft bangs, the other was smirking at him.

“Better eat your ice cream,” Die pointed out plainly, and from the look Kaoru gave the semi-solid lump the fact that he was holding a cone full of liquid instead of frozen treat had surprised him, “You don’t want to waste it now do you?”

“No, it’s to young to die like that!” Kaoru cried suddenly, he raised his arm to his lips to lick away the dribble, Die stared at soft tongue against creamy white flesh, he bit back a moan, he didn’t think that Kaoru would appreciate him getting off at the sight of him licking up ice cream.

“Shit,” Kaoru cried suddenly, it had been an accident; he hadn’t meant it at all, and now he had to suffer the ultimate embarrassment.

“Smooth,” Die commented, the barely restrained laughter evident in his voice. Kaoru was staring with mortification down at his crotch, his cheeks blazing.

“Shut up,” Kaoru muttered, he wondered what to do… it would be improper to wipe it away not to mention it would leave a smear, but at the same time it was cold, what would you do if you spilled melted vanilla ice cream on the crotch of your pants?

“Here let me help you,” Die removed his napkin from the cone –Kaoru’s own was all wet and sticky already- and proceeded to mop up the mess, he looked at Kaoru while he did this, the smaller boy looked like he was about to faint from all the blood rushing to his face. Die couldn’t help but laugh, Kaoru looked so, so…scandalized! Die put a little more care into cleaning away the ice cream then he should have but it was fun the way Kaoru’s eyes darted around and he squirmed it was like he was doing something naughty…in public no less…’damned kinky Kaoru thoughts’ Die thought.

“No, no it’s okay!” Kaoru cried looking around desperately, there was a little old lady with an even littler old man; they were both giving them shocked and appalled glances. Kaoru wanted to stutter something of an explanation to them, but thought the better of it, who really cared who saw them?

“Kaoru?” Yoshiki stood there, golden hair shining in the sunlight; smile hiding in eyes obscured by ever-present sunglasses.

“Yoshiki-sama!” Kaoru cried out in surprise, had he been looking at Die he might have noticed the wicked smile that played on full lips.

“All clean, you should be more careful next time, don’t spill so easily, it’s not good if it’s done so quickly.”

“DIE!!!” Kaoru all but screeched, Yoshiki was looking at them, one slender eyebrow arched over the rim of his sunglasses.

“To be young again,” Yoshiki muttered, a smile playing on his face, Kaoru couldn’t possibly look any more embarrassed if he tried, yeah who cares who saw them…. As if, Kaoru cared, Kaoru cared A LOT.

“Youth has many advantages,” Die grinned at the older man,

“Wisdom comes with age,” Yoshiki laughed

“So do wrinkles,” They both laughed, though Die would have been the first to admit that for an ‘old guy’ Yoshiki was damn hot, not a single wrinkle in sight.

“Ageing cream does wonders,” Die grinned at the older man, maybe he had met his match? Die sized up the older man, Yoshiki wore dark blue jeans and a white button down shirt, he looked cool despite the heat, his smirk and the casual way he talked made Die wonder if this was a competition he could win. He suddenly had the mental image of him and Yoshiki sitting on top of horses, lances at the ready, wearing large tin can-like armour, and there sitting in a gold chair, waving his scarf Kaoru sat primly –so as to not wrinkle his long gown- the prize…

“It does doesn’t it? I can’t even tell you’re what? Pushing 50?” Die joked,

“Die!” Kaoru gasped, he looked caught between chiding the other man and laughing himself.

“35” Yoshiki said back, at least he didn’t look angry.

“What are you doing here Yoshiki-sama?” Kaoru asked lightly, quickly licking off some more ice cream he was still neglecting.

“I was visiting a friend,” Yoshiki laughed, “Gackt asked me out to lunch today but it got cut…short,” he chuckled to himself at the memory. Kaoru flushed at the mention of Gackt’s name, ‘fuck ‘em both,’ Gackt had told him, Kaoru raised his eyes to look at the taller man through light pink bangs, Yoshiki looked like he was looking back at him, but with the dark shaded he could have been looking anywhere.

“Gackt that sounds familiar…” Die tapped his chin with one long finger,

“He’s dating You, the other bartender,” Kaoru smiled, trying to look composed again when he was surrounded by the only two people who could make him loose his cool.

“You forgot he’s an international super model,” Yoshiki pointed out plainly

“Yeah, Toshiya was complaining about that,” Die chuckled, “he wants one for himself,”

“I want one for myself,” Yoshiki chuckled as well, and Kaoru blinked, they looked at him expectantly, feeling very flustered Kaoru said the first that that came to his mind,

“But wouldn’t he be prettier then you?”

“Wanna be the woman?” Die snickered; Yoshiki politely covered his laugh, Kaoru flushed,

“That’s not what I meant!” He huffed, the ice cream was trailing down his hand again, but considering what they were talking about he didn’t want to lick it up and encourage them…but it was so sticky. Glaring at them both for a moment, he brought his hand and the cone to his lips to lap away any spill. Both sets of eyes watched his tongue dart out and clean away the sticky melted treat, then retreat back to it’s home, Die had to bit back another moan.

“Right, while I’m here, You had requested the shift tonight, do you mind?” Yoshiki frowned at this, something that he wasn’t saying troubling him.

“Nope,” Kaoru smiled, in fact he was looking forward to a small break, his day off wasn’t for a couple of days yet, and he wanted some sleep.

“Good, now I have someone else I need to meet,” Yoshiki looked at his watch again, before smiling politely, “I’ll see you tomorrow night Kaoru, it’s been nice meeting you…”

“Daisuke,”

“Daisuke,” Yoshiki repeated before he nodded at them and strolled down the small park path.

“So you’re free tonight?”

“Yeah, more or less,” Kaoru shrugged, finally getting around to eating his ice cream, was Die going to say what he thought Die might say?

“Wanna come over again, we can watch a movie, romance,” Die winked and Kaoru laughed.

“I’m to tired to deal with Toshiya and Kyo tonight,” Kaoru answered lamely, it was true, mostly; he was slightly nervous around Die and wanted a small break to think things through.

“No Toshiya, no Kyo, no Shinya, no Miyu, Just me and you tonight,” Kaoru looked at his ice cream for a moment –the ice cream Die had bought him.

“Okay, just me and you,” Kaoru smiled at Die then frowned slightly, “Who’s Miyu?”