Ryo/Koyama
Mar. 22nd, 2007 05:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snoozing_kittenTitle: No Rest For The Wicked
Pairing: Ryo/Koyama
Rating: R
Summary: Ryo is nocturnal, Koyama is chronically diurnal. Ryo’s got someone to find, and Koyama’s got somewhere to be, could they be working for the same goal? Or are they both really just crazy?
The night is full of not so secret sounds, and the halos made by the street lamps in the light drizzle that hasn’t let up for nearly three days now. The drizzle is fine if you’re running to the car or walking to the corner store down the street. He’s been walking the streets long enough to be soaked by it, the mist clings around his knees and swirls away from his feet as he mechanically puts one right in front of the other.
On weekends after shift, in the hazy hours between 3 and 6 am, he rides the subway, crisscrossing the city, from one end to the next, getting off at random stations and walking wherever his feet bring him. He knows the side walk intimately, the feel of concrete under the worn soles of his converse. Still, as far as he walks, always when the sun is starting to rise, to light the almost constant cloud cover. He finds himself looking at his own shit-hole apartment building, not quite surprised he ended up here, and yet a bit unsure of how. Still it’s not too surprising because it always happens.
Unlocking his door he closes it behind him and locks, and then there is complete darkness in the tiny apartment. He’s taped a blanket to the only window a long time ago, and the small lamp clicks to life with a small noise. It chases the shadows to the corners of the room; they wait behind the dresser, and in the closet, quivering- reading to jump again.
Toeing off his shoes, and kicking off his jeans, the shirt adds itself to the pile, bright purple against the black denim. His reflection hasn’t changed much since he woke up this morning; still he looks at it carefully before picking up his clear plastic toothbrush.
The clock reads 7 when he finally reaches for the light switch to once more bath himself in darkness. Somewhere outside the city is coming to full morning swing and the sun hides behind the curtain of clouds, still ashamed it seems to show her face. He falls into a sleep not unlike a coma. Filled with dreams and dark things.
_-_-_-_-
Koyama licks the honey off his hand, trying to collect all the viscous liquid on his tongue. The sweetness assaults his taste buds, and he swallows around it, going back for more. Making a content noise he wonders idly about the bees that must have made this honey, it’s like drinking their blood in a way, without it they die. What sweet blood it is, licking some off the main knuckle of his index finger he looks at Shige leaning down over the shimmering pool of water drinking his fill from cupped hands.
“Do you want any?” For a second Shige pauses giving him a long look, finally he just shakes his head.
“No, not really hungry right now, though we should probably keep walking.”
“I guess.” Dipping his sticky fingers in the water he washes the rest of the honey off of them and rubs until they don’t stick anymore. Shige just smiles and concentrates, slowly the trees begin to rustle and Koyama grins to himself as the big one over there rips its roots from the ground, using them as massive legs he takes a few steps over, and again the leaves rustle. “Thank you good sir.” Koyama says politely and Shige snorts.
Outside of the protected glade it’s dark and Koyama flips his hood up, concealing himself. Shige’s hand is cold in his, and Koyama wonders absently when the last time he’s felt warm in this place is.
Roads seem to go on endlessly, his feet hit the path over and over and the soft swishing of his cloak is all he hears. There are no night creatures, no wind; like most other nights everything lies dead as his feet. Nothing moves but them, slowly making their way across the dying land. Shige won’t tell him much, not after their first real conversation.
“Why are we walking?” Koyama asked idly, yet he didn’t stop, Shige looked over his shoulder.
“So you can get where you need to be.”
“…I see.” Koyama frowned for a moment looking down at his feet as they moved in a silent tandem. “And who are you?”
“I’m here to make sure you don’t fuck up and get lost.” The answer had quieted him for a moment and finally Koyama asked another question.
“Okay then, what’s your name?”
“I’m a figment of your mind, you can call me Koyama.” Frowning for a moment he pondered how odd it would be to call someone that, but then the other smiled at him. “You can call me Shige.”
“Shige? Alright, so where are we going?”
“To the end of the path, just follow the spooky dark path and we’ll get where you’re going.” The sarcasm was laid on heavy, and Koyama had to smile a bit.
“If it’s that simple, do you really think I would have gotten lost?”
“Little red riding hood knew what was out there to prey on her and look what she did- you have no clue.” That shut him up for awhile.
He remembers when he was really little, four or five; they used to live in this big apartment complex. Him and his mother, and his big sister, just the three of them after his father died. Just down the hall lived another little boy, and when their mother needed to go out he would often be sent there to spend the time. His name had been Shige and he liked dinosaurs, Koyama remembers –with that sort of fuzzy quality of most his childhood memories- sitting with him and arguing if a t-rex could beat the yellow ranger or not.
Koyama always thought the yellow one was best. Shige had liked purple, but he liked his t-rex the best of all.
“How much longer do you think we will have to walk, it feels like we’ve been doing this for months.”
“Maybe we have.” Shige shrugs giving him a level look. “This ends when you want it to end.”
“But I do.” He almost whines, because no matter how patient he is there is only so much he can handle.
“No you don’t. Because if you did we would be there.”
Can’t argue with that logic.
-_-_-_-_
He doesn’t wake until three in the afternoon and by then his head feels heavy and his bladder is full. So rolling out of bed he navigates the darkness, getting his feet tangled up in the black pool of a fallen shirt so he half falls into the bathroom. The light floods the room and his reflection in there, still the same, still looking at him. Choosing to ignore that for the more pressing matters he gets ready to start his ‘day’.
He only goes to night classes- it’s a habit.
Uchi is talking with him, voice fast and low as he fills him in with all the latest gossip and Ryo must be nodding along because the other is still talking. It’s a weekday so he gets off work at twelve tonight, after that hit up the coffee shop before retreat to his den to do this week’s homework.
Come sunrise he’ll be ready for bed again. For the time being the diet cola is cold against his lips and chemical taste crawls over his tongue, the bubbles sliding down his throat. Still ten minutes he can feel the caffeine zinging through his blood stream infusing with his nerve endings and making his skin feel hyper aware –that’s more like it. Opening his ‘Abnormal Child Psychology’ text he settles in his chair to listen to the night’s lecture.
Silence likes to buzz in his mind when he walks, even when it’s just the sound of his shoes on the polished tile of the university corridor. It’s not like the buzz of bees, no; like the buzz between stations on the radio. It’s like a million screaming voices on mute, sometimes it amuses him to try and listen and others he thinks that maybe he is going crazy. Right now Uchi’s voice is keeping them down as he bubbles along beside Ryo, telling him about the weirdest customer he had at the shoe store today.
On and on it goes until eleven when class is all over and Ryo’s stomach twists with hunger.
“Wanna drop by the all-night McDs?” Uchi makes a face.
“You’ll get fat if you eat before you sleep, especially that.” He quirks and eyebrow and smirks.
“Do I look fat?” It’s a bit better then saying ‘I don’t sleep’ Uchi lifts up his shirt to poke at his ribs. He swats the other away with a chuckle, Uchi’s thinner anyways- they could be poster boys for anorexic’s weekly.
“Well you’re not normal, the rest of us would put on 40 kilograms if all we ate were fast food and coke.” He gives his annoyed friend a liquid shrug.
“You coming or not?”
“Fine.”
How that turned into their fries getting cold while they traded blowjobs in bathroom of the empty restaurant he didn’t quite know. He didn’t mind cold fries all that much anyways, no matter what happened to them they tasted like sticks of hardened grease, a little cold isn’t going to hurt anything. Besides Uchi gives good blowjobs and his boyfriend either doesn’t know or doesn’t mind. All in all, he thinks it’s a pretty sweet deal.
Belly full and buzzed on a large black coffee from the 7-11 Ryo finds the nearest subway and takes the first train that comes.
“What are you looking for?”
“Nothing, I just don’t want to go home.” Ryo adjusts his backpack higher on his shoulder, and gives an annoyed look to the hollow eyed reflection that looks back at him from the window.
“Why?”
“Must I explain myself to you?” It’s in moments like these that he really thinks that crazy theory has some validity to it. He figures he doesn’t need the good ol’head doctor yet –he hasn’t hurt anyone and his voices are just mildly annoying not sinister in any way or form.
“I suppose not.” His reflection looks thoughtful for a moment before saying, “well it’s not raining tonight.” Ryo hadn’t noticed so he just nods. They make the rest of the trip in silence.
He rides it for about five stops before deciding he doesn’t like this train –it smells of marijuana and old socks. The drizzle is gone, but the clouds are still there obscuring the moon and the stars. If it were ever dark in the heart of a city it would be now, but the street lamps fill the night with their fake night and Ryo kind of likes it that way, because it means he doesn’t trip on anything.
Once he tried staying in, locked his door and refused to let himself outside all night. Sleep he begged his mind, and his feet, ‘Just let me sleep so I can wake up a normal person’. He walked circles in his room until the walls threatened to cave and he used up all the oxygen; he almost clawed his way through the door, letting out a sigh of relief when he found himself in the open night air.
He’d never done that again.
He didn’t know this part of town very well and wondered the chances that in all the months he’s been unable to sleep that he’s never ended up here before. Amused by the thought of taking a highlighter to a map and following with his fingers the route his feet take him just to see how much of this city he really knows.
Homework after all can wait.
-_-_-_-_-_
Koyama’s legs feel weak and he’s not really sure how he ended up sleeping here of all places. His back is sore from the cold hardwood floor and there is a huge bruise forming on his left shin. Rubbing tenderly at the area he looks around at all the shoes he’s standing with. His and Massu’s shoes all lined up in neat little rows. His fingers feel like ice, his pyjamas are no match for the draft coming in under the door.
“Was I sleep walking again?” The watch on his wrist told him that it was 6:30 am, and he should be getting up and ready for class but his body hasn’t caught up with his mind on that one. Flailing his arms he pushed off the floor praying that legs which shook would hold his weight, reaching for the wall he followed it all the way back to his room.
By the time he was pulling on his jeans the bruise on his shin had turned a lovely shade of purple. Grimacing at it he pulled a long-sleeved striped shirt on and a sweater on top of it. Slipping on his ring and running some wax laden hands through his bleached hair to get to stay down; Massu’s yell cut through the otherwise silent morning.
“Koyama, let’s go I don’t want to miss breakfast with the others.”
“I’m going!” Grabbing his car keys off the dresser Koyama made a beeline for the door, making a mental note to pick up some more sleep medication on the way back. He could have swore he had enough to last him for the next couple of days.
Class was long and his head throbbed in tandem with his rapid heartbeat. The words dance in front of his face and he just wanted to rest his aching head on his arms and close his eyes. Slip into a glorious sleep, and if he was lucky he just might not slip into the endless loophole of his subconscious. Right, and he was about to dine with the queen- he hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in what felt like years.
“Are you alright Koyama?” Looking up he realized he’d been staring at the light glinting off his ring for the last few minutes and class was over. Looking up at the kid he gives him a small smile.
“I’m fine.” Waving his hand in the air the sunlight catches his ring again and he barely bites back an amused giggle.
“Does Massu have class today?”
“Yeah, he should right now.”
“He’s not answering my text messages!” Tego whines and Koyama has to smile just a bit. He’s just so tired.
He goes straight home after school and strips as he walks to the bathroom –Massu is out of the house and he doesn’t have the energy to walk over and close the drapes, so look on nosy neighbours. By the time he passes through the doorway into the bathroom it’s just his bare skin touching the cool tile.
He wonders if this is what heaven feels like, and in the shower is the closest he can come to relaxing. The water is nice and hot, just the way he likes it, it beats down on his skin and almost stings, but it’s all good. He uses a slightly floral scented shampoo, but it leaves his hair soft, and after the bleaching it’s gone through, smelling like flowers isn’t as bad as having his head feel like a straw mat.
Even with the covers pulled over his head and the cotton caressing every square centimetre of his body he can’t sleep. He’s so tired it hurts, a deep ache in his bones and infused with the very neurons of his deep-fried mind. Still he can’t sleep, not at all.
When Massu comes home he brings a world of sound and noise with him –and Tego and Shoon. Koyama groans and tries to pull his body in on itself, it doesn’t work and by evening he up and making dinner for them. Still Shoon gives him a worried look before Massu assures him that Koyama always has those dark circles under his eyes. He gives a reassuring smile and Massu makes a joke about late nights and too much porn that has them all laughing.
As usual he’s out by eleven, he’s almost incapable of staying up late, it’s silly, but once he even fell asleep at his desk –and woke up in the bathtub. Still as he falls into his bed not even bothering with his alarm clock barely undressed it’s with a touch of irony that he’s allowed to sleep –now.
-_-_-_-_-_
“This is getting tiring.” Koyama whines, and Shige rolls his eyes.
“You’re telling me.” Shige grabs at the hood it pulls it until it hovers over his face better, “And keep your hood on.”
“Maa.” Koyama makes an annoyed noise, but Shige doesn’t say anything more. Tonight it seems they are walking across a desert, the sand is cool and it clings to his feet slowing him down.
Without the moon moving across the sky he has no way of knowing what time it is, sometimes these trips seem to take days on end, others it’s like the blink of an eye and he’s awake. Tonight every step is like walking on coals and even here in his own mind his body aches, and that doesn’t even seem possible.
But it is.
The hood falls as Koyama is hit by something, stumbling to the side, falling to his knees. Pain locks his chest up and he gasping, trying to breath but it feels like something heavy is pressing down on him and he just –can’t. Clawing at his throat, tears spring at his eyes; he’s going to die here isn’t he?
“Help…” Shige’s hands are like ice along his back, trying to relax him, but black dots are dancing in front of his eyes and his face fuzzes around the edges. “Help me…”
“Koyama, please…” Then he goes limp in the other’s arms.
-_-_-_-_-_
He needs new shoes. These ones feel all flat on the bottom, definitely worn out. He wonders exactly how many steps he’s rung up in these already, how many steps does he take in a night? In a week?
It’s a good thing that Uchi works in a shoe store.
The street is quiet and dark, a pretty normal looking residential neighbourhood; the only interest he could find here is peering into the windows. Discovering what these quiet normal people did in their free time. Ryo’d bet it’s anything but quiet and normal. It’s always the normal ones with the strange fetishes, Ryo’s thinks he may be crazy; but at least he’s harmless.
Looking at the street sign he tries to figure out which way to turn, the moon hangs just in the distance. Thick and full over the tops of the houses, and it’s unusual to see someone out in a neighbourhood like this past midnight. Sirens in the background and Ryo tilted his head a little, squinting at the figure walking down the street.
He looked drunk, really drunk, stumbling a little; but he didn’t look like he had been out clubbing, his clothes look more like lounge clothing. Something inside tells him to beware; this could be dangerous. Maybe a crazy person. Whisper of something crawling down his spine and he pulls the jacket just a little tighter around himself, he has no intention of walking up to help.
In the meantime the sirens have gotten louder, almost piercing now.
The events all suddenly fall into place like a puzzle and his blood runs cold, the red SUV is speeding down the street, tires screaming. Ryo’s moving before he knows what he’s supposed to do- he hears yelling and realizes that that’s his voice.
“Stop! Don’t walk!” There are screeching tires and the wail of sirens and Ryo can almost feel the rush of displaced air preceding the grill of the SUV smashing into his ribs. He’s not moving fast enough, he’s not going to make it, and they’ll both be road splatter.
The gravel ripped into his palms, but the body under his was soft and unresisting, and they were rolling until he slammed back-first into a parked car. It was with a bit of irony that the car alarm started to go off, the icing on the cake. Groaning the sirens faded into background noise and he had time to look at the body was he cradling so tightly to himself.
The first thing he noticed was the shape of his eyes, single eye-lids; elegantly slanted, framed with tinted lashes. Then he looked into their glassy depths, and couldn’t do it, so he slid them down over smooth cheekbones to the pinks lips.
“…Where am I?”
“Hell if I know.” That didn’t seem to faze him much; he blinked a bit and looked at the sky past Ryo’s face.
“Alright.” For a moment no one takes the initiative to move, he simply stares on past his face at the sky like he can see Jesus. It’s a bit insulting.
“Fucking car alarm.” Ryo finally hisses, and it’s not as easy as it looks to untangle them, not when the other seems to be more dead weight then human. His right foot hurts quite a bit and his palms are slowly oozing blood from a multitude of tiny cuts. He realizes with a bit of annoyance that the other man is taller then him –he to busy looking at his scrapped elbows to do much. “Do you know where you live?” It’s like dealing with someone especially stupid so far.
“…” He looked at the street signs and the houses for a moment, “Yeah I do. This way.” He starts walking, and since he didn’t say no and Ryo would like a band-aid or at least some thanking for saving his life he follows him.
The thought never occurs to him ‘this is what I was born for’.
Koyama is rather shocked he made it so far from home, how long had he been out here walking? He looks at the streets, so unfamiliar at night –when was the last time he was even awake to see the dark? Hugging himself he rubs numb hands up cold arms. The ground hurt his bare feet and he wondered how the cold air hadn’t awakened him.
“I sleep walk.” Koyama said at last, not bothering to look over his shoulder at the man he knew was following him. “I’m sorry about all of this, normally the medication works.”
“Sleep walk? I think I can empathize.” Koyama nods and a stray rock makes him wince. By the time they make it to the house –with the front door still open, all of Koyama’s many shoes inside- he’s almost hobbling and frozen solid. “Sit down.”
“Do you have any ice?”
“Yeah.” Koyama pads out of the room, and Ryo takes the time to look around the small tidy apartment, clearly he doesn’t live alone. Looking at the muscle magazine left sitting on the table he tries to imagine the skinny man reading it, lifting weights and he snorts to himself. “Here.”
Setting a box down on the table, he opens the lid and with long fingers pulls out the band-aids and the disinfectant.
“My name is Koyama Keiichiro, I’m 20.” Koyama likes to babble, he knows, everyone he meets inevitably knows within ten minutes too. “This is the latest I’ve been up in a long time, I’m usually in bed by now. Most nights I stay in my bed too, but I told you that.”
“I’m Ryo.”
“Ryo?”
“Ryo.”
“I like that.” Koyama nodded his approval and the other snorted, like it really meant anything to him. “What were you doing out so late? Not that I mind; thanks for bringing me home.”
“Walking.” Koyama simply nods again, approving without asking and it’s a strange habit but it makes Ryo feel at easy. He got the feeling that if he told Koyama about the voices in his head the other would smile a little and nod saying something inane. He just seemed the type.
“This is going to sting a little.” Fingers tap along his wrist, and a cotton swab is pressing against the dried blood. As usual it takes a few moments for the sting to kick in and he tries not to wince.
“I’m a man.” He says and Koyama actually giggles a little. He taps on the other wrist so Ryo flips them palm up so Koyama can inspect the damage. The little cuts sting when Koyama seems to rub in the peroxide and Ryo clenches his teeth against it.
He even gets half way through wrapping the bandages on before he slumps suddenly, face first into Ryo’s chest. After a moment of panic, and his pulse returns to normal does Ryo let out a soft curse. He’s fallen asleep.
Asleep of all things. Blinking away his confusion Ryo pushes on Koyama’s sharp shoulder bones until his head flops back on the stem of his long neck. Landing in a sprawl half on and half off the couch, one slipper has fallen off and doesn’t he just have the cutest toes? Shaking his head, half amused, and half vaguely annoyed. Unsure of what to do for a moment he finally decided on pulling the blanket off the couch to cover the sleeping man with, then carefully looking over the torn skin on his elbows. He can’t help but be gentle in the cleaning of the wounds, the arm in his hand feels just a little to thin –isn’t it ironic, people say that to him all the time too.
-_-_-_-_-_
Koyama wakes on the couch with a sore back and a sticky note stuck to the top of his hand. He actually feels rested, and there is a feeling in his chest, like he’s actually made progress, like a long journey and there is the half-way marker. The note on his hand and the blanket wrapped around him told him last night wasn’t just a weird dream, no his dreams were usually a bit weirder.
“What are you doing sleeping there?” Massu frowns, rubbing at his eyes hair sticking up all over the place. Koyama smiles a little and shakes his head.
“Taking a walk.”
“… Alright.” Massu has that look on his face that says ‘you’re weird’ but Koyama smiles it away and gets off the couch stretching his arms over his head to crack his back. The note flutters to the floor and he stoops quickly to pick it up, that’s a phone number he doesn’t want to loose.
Some time later when he’s absently looking at his feet and how they move against the smooth tile of the floor and Nakamaru and Jin are walking beside him. He nods in all the right places so that Jin keeps talking, but he’s thinking about Ryo (no other name offered). He had nice eyes and soft hair, and when they had been lying on the cold pavement, Koyama had never felt safer; which was odd. Any other day of the week he would have freaked out at least a bit waking up so far from home on the ground next to a shrieking car while the sirens fade away.
“Jin!” YamaPi rushes up to them, and as soon as they are standing face to face, the corner of the black haired man mouth twitches as he tries to hide a smile. “I have a question for you!”
“What is it?” Jin is oblivious and Nakamaru hides his smile.
“How do you scare a bee?” Without waiting for a response he screeches “BOOBY.” And pinches the other man’s nipples harshly through his shirt and Jin yelps, taking a leap back. Nakamaru breaks down laughing, using Koyama’s arm for support and he giggles along –so juvenile.
“That wasn’t funny, you’re so not cool.” Jin crosses his arms and YamaPi grins at him, soon enough his face splits into a grin. Jin launches into another story, gesturing wildly with large hands as he talks with the other man.
“Hey, you’re pretty quiet today.” Nakamaru smiles at him and Koyama smiles back.
“Yeah, had a weird night.”
“Wanna talk about it?” With a guilty grin Koyama nods and Nakamaru puts his hand on Jin’s arm stopping him mid-sentence. “I’m going to go grab some lunch with Kei, I’ll see you later.” Jin nods and ducks down quickly to steal a kiss.
“I’ll see you after class.”
“Yeah.” Nakamaru walks beside him and finally turns to him, “So how weird are we talking here? Normal weird, or weird by your standards?” Koyama snorts a little and worries his bottom lip.
“Weird by my standard I guess.”
“… Oh boy.” Nakamaru is grinning and there is nothing malicious about his sarcasm.
It’s a cup of lime jello later and one laughing fit that Koyama joins in nervously that his story is done. ‘Only you could turn sleep walking into a pick up.’
“So do I call him back?” Koyama frowns, just a little confused, Nakamaru may have had a really messed up relationship before but he’s the most steady one Koyama knows. He knows how to keep his wits about him, and most of all he knows how to make Koyama smile; so he likes Maru. He trusts him with these confusing dreams, he spills what happens, and besides the odd joke about his imaginary Shige he doesn’t seem to mind that it’s just a little fucked up.
“Sure why not, you said it yourself he’s hot. Sounds a but shady, but then so are you!”
“Maa, you’re so mean!”
Maybe he should call. There was just something about Ryo that make Koyama’s skin prickle. Some sort of dark mystery and Koyama was a sucker for the tall dark and handsome type –his mind filled in the lacking height, memory could be a deceiving thing. Yeah, he would call.
-_-_-_-_-_
Ryo woke slowly at first, only the first tendrils of rational thought trickling in past his closed eyelids. He didn’t want to be awake, something felt off, like the chemistry in his brain had shifted and now the equation was fundamentally different. Blinking he tried to focus on the alarm clock in front of him. It told him it was ten am, and for a moment he couldn’t process the thought, when was the last time he was up this side of noon?
He really couldn’t remember.
Last night he had used the phone sitting the cradle to call himself a cab, something inside him told that he didn’t feel like walking. Strange night as it was. Stranger yet, he fell asleep doing some of his reading, simply passed out at four in the morning. Three hours to early for a usual night.
His reflection squinted at him for a moment like he couldn’t quite recognize the man there.
“Hello stranger.” He said as much, and he has that annoying little smirk on his face.
“Hello yourself.”
“So that was interesting.” There is a look in his eyes that Ryo doesn’t recognize –ironic- and he frowns. “Did you like him?”
“Why do you ask?” It’s strange how he’s always questioning himself, while questioning himself.
“Do you think he’ll call back?” An amused look.
“How the fuck should I know?” Ryo rolls his eyes, and shoves the toothbrush in his mouth.
“Do you want him too? It would be nice, he looks like he can cook.” Ryo raises a sceptical eyebrow –what does that have to do with anything? Why is his subconscious so spastic? “Imagine a cute little bento for every day of the week.” Ryo snorts.
“You sure want him to call.”
“I can’t answer the question for you, you don’t believe a word I say.” He rolls his eyes, “you think I’m crazy.”
“No shit.”
It’s a good thing that he woke up early, because it gives him the opportunity to go see Uchi at work and find himself some new shoes. The sun is in a strange place in the sky, one he hasn’t visited for awhile, pushing his sunglasses further up on his nose and his hat lower to cover his ears. The subway is a lot busier during the day, and Ryo can’t even imagine what rush hour must look like. Millions of walking feet, like a endlessly long millipede.
The entire trip he thinks about the homework he still hasn’t done.
-_-_-_-_-_
It’s kind of funny, a really rather awkward parody of a date. Sitting on opposites of the table Ryo rolling his food around on his plate with his fork. He didn’t try with conversation and Koyama didn’t seem obliged to try either. So they ate accompanied by the click of silverware and the buzz of conversations from other tables.
“I study Literature.” He said at last, smiling as he took a sip of his glass of water.
“Psychology.” Ryo answered and Koyama looked at him surprised.
“I’ve never seen you around.”
“I go to night class.” For a moment Koyama only blinked then he started to giggle.
“I would have never guessed.” Slightly insulted, but then Koyama looked cute giggling so he chuckled along anyways. After that they began to talk a little, not a full conversation, but enough to find out they both thought the food was terrible. Koyama’s foot lined up with his under the table –against his new shoes- and he left them there enjoying the subtle contact.
Ryo had to hide his snort at the irony of them walking down the street, walking side-by-side, shoulders brushing. Koyama went back to babbling now that he was out of the restaurant, and Ryo nods, sort of paying attention, but more just watching the way pink lips moved from under the fringe of his bangs. When he catches his reflection in a closed store window he has a little indulgent smile he’s never seen on his face before.
“I liked this.” They stand in the doorway, and Ryo knows this is the typical moment, where your heart speeds up and you wonder, do we kiss? Ryo’s never been the indecisive type so he leans forward, catching the back of Koyama’s head with one hand, the other on his cheek. Koyama’s kiss was soft and Ryo found he really liked the way that the other’s lips moved against his. He liked the way that one hand found it’s way to his hip, and then another. Deepening the kiss into something a little more aggressive, his tongue flicked along Koyama’s lips and fingers tightened on his hips reflexively.
“I liked this too.” Ryo murmurs against Koyama’s lips, nipping the bottom one teasingly.
“Well then, let’s do it again some time.”
“Some time soon?” Koyama grins at him and Ryo nods.
“Yeah, some time soon.” Ryo leaves Koyama to go inside the house, slipping his hands into his pockets he wonders if that little smile is still there.
“Hot date?” Uchi elbows him a little and grins, and maybe he should have stopped smiling before.
“Yeah.” Uchi seems a little shocked.
“Really?”
“Is it that hard to believe?” Ryo arched an eyebrow, giving his friend a sceptical look.
“Just a bit, Ryo, you’re hot and all, but you’re a little anti-social.” He snorts.
“Just a little.”
“So what makes him worthy of the attention of the great Ryo?” Uchi preened a little, and Ryo chuckled again.
“Same as you I guess, I just like him.” Uchi beams a little and is contented, the lights dim and the ancient projector flares to life. And Ryo really wishes he could sleep through class like the girl in front of him.
-_-_-_-_-_
Date four has them sitting in Koyama’s car parked halfway between wherever there was to somewhere in the near future. Ryo’s mouth is hot along Koyama’s neck, biting at the delicate flesh, suckling on the salty skin. His hand is even hotter, rubbing him through the material of his pants.
Koyama’s elbow bounces off the steering wheel when he goes to reach for Ryo and he curses. It’s tangled and messy, but somehow he manages to get his pants undone, and pulled down just a bit. Ryo grips him like he’s the stick shirt and moves it into high gear, fingertips teasing, stroking and generally driving him mad. Arching his back off the seat Koyama moans, one hand gripping the steering wheel too tight –his ring is digging into his skin- the other has landed on Ryo’s thigh.
“You look really pretty like that.” Ryo whispers to the crook of Koyama’s neck letting his tongue play over the tanned skin. “Care to show me more, come on darling.” He comes with a low groan, throwing his head back against the headrest and trying as hard as he can to snap his hips up into the motion. Ryo bites his lip and watches, fascinated by how Koyama’s lips quiver as he breathes hard, trying to catch his breath and regain his composure.
His other hand, not the one petting languidly across the smooth tan skin of Koyama’s flat stomach, is awkwardly gripping himself. These fingers don’t quite know the rhythm properly.
“Here, let me help you with that then.” Ryo gives him a grin as long fingers move up this thing, finger walking along the denim. It’s with an almost shy smile that he leans over the armrest between them and kisses Ryo, long and slow. Like the way his fingers wrap around the velvety flesh, moving teasingly to the tip once and back down the base. Ryo’s annoyed sound it lost in the fraction of space between their mouths and Koyama does it again, this time more careful to gather the leaking fluid to lubricate his fingers a little. Arching into the touch Ryo lets out a little whimper, it feels good; but Koyama is not holding nearly tight enough nor moving fast enough.
“More.” Ryo hisses, and it’s their time, late afternoon; passing into dinner time, and just before twilight. “Come on Koyama, you can touch harder then that.”
“Like this?” Moving his wrist at a different angle and he’s touching all the right places, somehow better still because it’s Koyama’s hand on his dick, not Uchi’s and not his own.
“Yeah.” Letting his eyes slide closed, concentrating on the feeling of Koyama’s hand on the most intimate part of his anatomy, and his lips pressing against the pulse point on his neck. Teeth nipped teasingly, and Ryo couldn’t figure out if Koyama was naughty or nice, and hell if he cared anyways- orgasm is rocketing closer and closer.
Ryo moans pressing his face to Koyama’s fragrant hair, feeling the strands slid along he cheek, hypersensitive to everything around him. Koyama’s lazy smile, and the way his hand keeps moving softly, brining him down from his high.
“This is the first time my car got some action.” Koyama comments offhandedly, wiggling to get his pants back up and his boxers in the right place.
Here turned out to be an all night truck stop, just off the road, off the interstate. Ryo kind of the likes the interior, it feels like taking a big step back in time, and the vinyl booths amuse him. This time it’s his foot nudged up against Koyama’s under the table, and it’s like have eye-sex, the way Koyama looks at him, and he looks back- and they both smile. It’s comfortable, it’s good.
Ryo doesn’t like people; generally they are just a bit too stupid for his taste. He likes Uchi, Uchi is frank and he’ll tell you that you look like crap when you do- his brand of honesty is refreshing. He likes Koyama, the way he laughs, the way he smiles, the way he titles his head to the side a little when he’s confused. It’s also about the way they kiss, soft and sweet or hot and heavy. It’s about the way he can tell Koyama about his walks; he just kid of nods like Ryo is telling him about the weather outside.
Koyama thinks the night is beautiful; Ryo promised to take him out to see it on their third date- Koyama fell asleep in the car. He had covered the other with his jacket and shook his head in a bemused fashion. He needed to enlist Massu’s help to get Koyama’s dead weight into his bed, but once tucked in Ryo left him a note and a quick kiss.
“So I know the stereotype about bar tenders, but if one more drunk slob tries to tell me about how his wife spends all her money on a host I’m going to throw his next drink at him.” Koyama covered his giggle by taking a sip from his glass of water. “They always look the same too, older, balding, greasy failures for a salary man.”
The image of Ryo in his apron looking bored while some man tried to chat him up is almost too much and Koyama bites his lip grinning widely. Looking up sharply Ryo narrows his eyes and taps Koyama wrist, smirking. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.” Koyama smiles, and Ryo snorts.
“Oh? And is it good for you?” Taking a sip from his black coffee Koyama’s hand twists, brushing against his where it was resting on his wrist still.
“You know it is.”
It’s much later when Ryo is walking around alone looking at the swollen moon hanging just over the lines of houses. He wonders what it feels like to fall in love, does it hurt like falling implies? Will he know the moment that he’s in love, like some sort of warm and squishy thing blooming in his chest? Or will it happen gradually, over time; one day he’s going to look up and it’ll hit him like a train – by god, I’m in love!
Hesitantly, more like a fragile hope then an actual thought – is Koyama the one?
-_-_-_-_-_
“What’s going on?” Koyama asks, bewildered by the breeze that moves the emerald leaves and the huge harvest moon that kisses the velveteen sky. The grass whispers sweet nothing against his ankles and Shige’s skin almost glows in the light, has this urge to pull his hood back to look at everything better but that’s not a step he’s fully willing to risk yet.
“What do you think?” He looks sort of annoyed and Koyama can’t help the small indulgent smile.
“I think we’re here aren’t we?”
“Yeah, I’d say so.” Here is a long grassy field, and Koyama watches as a small wild flower begins the sprout, followed by another.
“I like it here.” Shige smiles at him.
“Me too, so Koyama; where is here?” Koyama bites his lip, and that’s the million-dollar question isn’t it. Where is here, he likes it; it spreads a feeling of peace through his wary limbs, and he can’t imagine a better place. He just doesn’t know what it is, and with the image of Ryo’s smile his in mind he turns to Shige.
“I don’t know.” Shige grins at him and nods, sensing the epiphany. “But I don’t care because I’m happy here.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“You are me.” Koyama reminds him and Shige rolls his eyes.
-_-_-_-_
He’s not sleepy; in fact Ryo is wide-awake, looking at the streetlights outside the window. This is nothing like his always dark room, in fact the light in here is so soft he can look down and see the lines of Koyama’s relaxed face. He has this sweet little smile on his lips and Ryo wonders what he’s dreaming about for a moment, whatever it is he’s happy there.
But for once he doesn’t feel like walking. In fact he kind of feels like cuddling. So he does, and he tells himself he’ll only close his eyes for a moment, long enough to get rid of that scratchy feeling behind his eyes. He falls asleep pretty fast for someone who isn’t sleepy.
Pairing: Ryo/Koyama
Rating: R
Summary: Ryo is nocturnal, Koyama is chronically diurnal. Ryo’s got someone to find, and Koyama’s got somewhere to be, could they be working for the same goal? Or are they both really just crazy?
The night is full of not so secret sounds, and the halos made by the street lamps in the light drizzle that hasn’t let up for nearly three days now. The drizzle is fine if you’re running to the car or walking to the corner store down the street. He’s been walking the streets long enough to be soaked by it, the mist clings around his knees and swirls away from his feet as he mechanically puts one right in front of the other.
On weekends after shift, in the hazy hours between 3 and 6 am, he rides the subway, crisscrossing the city, from one end to the next, getting off at random stations and walking wherever his feet bring him. He knows the side walk intimately, the feel of concrete under the worn soles of his converse. Still, as far as he walks, always when the sun is starting to rise, to light the almost constant cloud cover. He finds himself looking at his own shit-hole apartment building, not quite surprised he ended up here, and yet a bit unsure of how. Still it’s not too surprising because it always happens.
Unlocking his door he closes it behind him and locks, and then there is complete darkness in the tiny apartment. He’s taped a blanket to the only window a long time ago, and the small lamp clicks to life with a small noise. It chases the shadows to the corners of the room; they wait behind the dresser, and in the closet, quivering- reading to jump again.
Toeing off his shoes, and kicking off his jeans, the shirt adds itself to the pile, bright purple against the black denim. His reflection hasn’t changed much since he woke up this morning; still he looks at it carefully before picking up his clear plastic toothbrush.
The clock reads 7 when he finally reaches for the light switch to once more bath himself in darkness. Somewhere outside the city is coming to full morning swing and the sun hides behind the curtain of clouds, still ashamed it seems to show her face. He falls into a sleep not unlike a coma. Filled with dreams and dark things.
_-_-_-_-
Koyama licks the honey off his hand, trying to collect all the viscous liquid on his tongue. The sweetness assaults his taste buds, and he swallows around it, going back for more. Making a content noise he wonders idly about the bees that must have made this honey, it’s like drinking their blood in a way, without it they die. What sweet blood it is, licking some off the main knuckle of his index finger he looks at Shige leaning down over the shimmering pool of water drinking his fill from cupped hands.
“Do you want any?” For a second Shige pauses giving him a long look, finally he just shakes his head.
“No, not really hungry right now, though we should probably keep walking.”
“I guess.” Dipping his sticky fingers in the water he washes the rest of the honey off of them and rubs until they don’t stick anymore. Shige just smiles and concentrates, slowly the trees begin to rustle and Koyama grins to himself as the big one over there rips its roots from the ground, using them as massive legs he takes a few steps over, and again the leaves rustle. “Thank you good sir.” Koyama says politely and Shige snorts.
Outside of the protected glade it’s dark and Koyama flips his hood up, concealing himself. Shige’s hand is cold in his, and Koyama wonders absently when the last time he’s felt warm in this place is.
Roads seem to go on endlessly, his feet hit the path over and over and the soft swishing of his cloak is all he hears. There are no night creatures, no wind; like most other nights everything lies dead as his feet. Nothing moves but them, slowly making their way across the dying land. Shige won’t tell him much, not after their first real conversation.
“Why are we walking?” Koyama asked idly, yet he didn’t stop, Shige looked over his shoulder.
“So you can get where you need to be.”
“…I see.” Koyama frowned for a moment looking down at his feet as they moved in a silent tandem. “And who are you?”
“I’m here to make sure you don’t fuck up and get lost.” The answer had quieted him for a moment and finally Koyama asked another question.
“Okay then, what’s your name?”
“I’m a figment of your mind, you can call me Koyama.” Frowning for a moment he pondered how odd it would be to call someone that, but then the other smiled at him. “You can call me Shige.”
“Shige? Alright, so where are we going?”
“To the end of the path, just follow the spooky dark path and we’ll get where you’re going.” The sarcasm was laid on heavy, and Koyama had to smile a bit.
“If it’s that simple, do you really think I would have gotten lost?”
“Little red riding hood knew what was out there to prey on her and look what she did- you have no clue.” That shut him up for awhile.
He remembers when he was really little, four or five; they used to live in this big apartment complex. Him and his mother, and his big sister, just the three of them after his father died. Just down the hall lived another little boy, and when their mother needed to go out he would often be sent there to spend the time. His name had been Shige and he liked dinosaurs, Koyama remembers –with that sort of fuzzy quality of most his childhood memories- sitting with him and arguing if a t-rex could beat the yellow ranger or not.
Koyama always thought the yellow one was best. Shige had liked purple, but he liked his t-rex the best of all.
“How much longer do you think we will have to walk, it feels like we’ve been doing this for months.”
“Maybe we have.” Shige shrugs giving him a level look. “This ends when you want it to end.”
“But I do.” He almost whines, because no matter how patient he is there is only so much he can handle.
“No you don’t. Because if you did we would be there.”
Can’t argue with that logic.
-_-_-_-_
He doesn’t wake until three in the afternoon and by then his head feels heavy and his bladder is full. So rolling out of bed he navigates the darkness, getting his feet tangled up in the black pool of a fallen shirt so he half falls into the bathroom. The light floods the room and his reflection in there, still the same, still looking at him. Choosing to ignore that for the more pressing matters he gets ready to start his ‘day’.
He only goes to night classes- it’s a habit.
Uchi is talking with him, voice fast and low as he fills him in with all the latest gossip and Ryo must be nodding along because the other is still talking. It’s a weekday so he gets off work at twelve tonight, after that hit up the coffee shop before retreat to his den to do this week’s homework.
Come sunrise he’ll be ready for bed again. For the time being the diet cola is cold against his lips and chemical taste crawls over his tongue, the bubbles sliding down his throat. Still ten minutes he can feel the caffeine zinging through his blood stream infusing with his nerve endings and making his skin feel hyper aware –that’s more like it. Opening his ‘Abnormal Child Psychology’ text he settles in his chair to listen to the night’s lecture.
Silence likes to buzz in his mind when he walks, even when it’s just the sound of his shoes on the polished tile of the university corridor. It’s not like the buzz of bees, no; like the buzz between stations on the radio. It’s like a million screaming voices on mute, sometimes it amuses him to try and listen and others he thinks that maybe he is going crazy. Right now Uchi’s voice is keeping them down as he bubbles along beside Ryo, telling him about the weirdest customer he had at the shoe store today.
On and on it goes until eleven when class is all over and Ryo’s stomach twists with hunger.
“Wanna drop by the all-night McDs?” Uchi makes a face.
“You’ll get fat if you eat before you sleep, especially that.” He quirks and eyebrow and smirks.
“Do I look fat?” It’s a bit better then saying ‘I don’t sleep’ Uchi lifts up his shirt to poke at his ribs. He swats the other away with a chuckle, Uchi’s thinner anyways- they could be poster boys for anorexic’s weekly.
“Well you’re not normal, the rest of us would put on 40 kilograms if all we ate were fast food and coke.” He gives his annoyed friend a liquid shrug.
“You coming or not?”
“Fine.”
How that turned into their fries getting cold while they traded blowjobs in bathroom of the empty restaurant he didn’t quite know. He didn’t mind cold fries all that much anyways, no matter what happened to them they tasted like sticks of hardened grease, a little cold isn’t going to hurt anything. Besides Uchi gives good blowjobs and his boyfriend either doesn’t know or doesn’t mind. All in all, he thinks it’s a pretty sweet deal.
Belly full and buzzed on a large black coffee from the 7-11 Ryo finds the nearest subway and takes the first train that comes.
“What are you looking for?”
“Nothing, I just don’t want to go home.” Ryo adjusts his backpack higher on his shoulder, and gives an annoyed look to the hollow eyed reflection that looks back at him from the window.
“Why?”
“Must I explain myself to you?” It’s in moments like these that he really thinks that crazy theory has some validity to it. He figures he doesn’t need the good ol’head doctor yet –he hasn’t hurt anyone and his voices are just mildly annoying not sinister in any way or form.
“I suppose not.” His reflection looks thoughtful for a moment before saying, “well it’s not raining tonight.” Ryo hadn’t noticed so he just nods. They make the rest of the trip in silence.
He rides it for about five stops before deciding he doesn’t like this train –it smells of marijuana and old socks. The drizzle is gone, but the clouds are still there obscuring the moon and the stars. If it were ever dark in the heart of a city it would be now, but the street lamps fill the night with their fake night and Ryo kind of likes it that way, because it means he doesn’t trip on anything.
Once he tried staying in, locked his door and refused to let himself outside all night. Sleep he begged his mind, and his feet, ‘Just let me sleep so I can wake up a normal person’. He walked circles in his room until the walls threatened to cave and he used up all the oxygen; he almost clawed his way through the door, letting out a sigh of relief when he found himself in the open night air.
He’d never done that again.
He didn’t know this part of town very well and wondered the chances that in all the months he’s been unable to sleep that he’s never ended up here before. Amused by the thought of taking a highlighter to a map and following with his fingers the route his feet take him just to see how much of this city he really knows.
Homework after all can wait.
-_-_-_-_-_
Koyama’s legs feel weak and he’s not really sure how he ended up sleeping here of all places. His back is sore from the cold hardwood floor and there is a huge bruise forming on his left shin. Rubbing tenderly at the area he looks around at all the shoes he’s standing with. His and Massu’s shoes all lined up in neat little rows. His fingers feel like ice, his pyjamas are no match for the draft coming in under the door.
“Was I sleep walking again?” The watch on his wrist told him that it was 6:30 am, and he should be getting up and ready for class but his body hasn’t caught up with his mind on that one. Flailing his arms he pushed off the floor praying that legs which shook would hold his weight, reaching for the wall he followed it all the way back to his room.
By the time he was pulling on his jeans the bruise on his shin had turned a lovely shade of purple. Grimacing at it he pulled a long-sleeved striped shirt on and a sweater on top of it. Slipping on his ring and running some wax laden hands through his bleached hair to get to stay down; Massu’s yell cut through the otherwise silent morning.
“Koyama, let’s go I don’t want to miss breakfast with the others.”
“I’m going!” Grabbing his car keys off the dresser Koyama made a beeline for the door, making a mental note to pick up some more sleep medication on the way back. He could have swore he had enough to last him for the next couple of days.
Class was long and his head throbbed in tandem with his rapid heartbeat. The words dance in front of his face and he just wanted to rest his aching head on his arms and close his eyes. Slip into a glorious sleep, and if he was lucky he just might not slip into the endless loophole of his subconscious. Right, and he was about to dine with the queen- he hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in what felt like years.
“Are you alright Koyama?” Looking up he realized he’d been staring at the light glinting off his ring for the last few minutes and class was over. Looking up at the kid he gives him a small smile.
“I’m fine.” Waving his hand in the air the sunlight catches his ring again and he barely bites back an amused giggle.
“Does Massu have class today?”
“Yeah, he should right now.”
“He’s not answering my text messages!” Tego whines and Koyama has to smile just a bit. He’s just so tired.
He goes straight home after school and strips as he walks to the bathroom –Massu is out of the house and he doesn’t have the energy to walk over and close the drapes, so look on nosy neighbours. By the time he passes through the doorway into the bathroom it’s just his bare skin touching the cool tile.
He wonders if this is what heaven feels like, and in the shower is the closest he can come to relaxing. The water is nice and hot, just the way he likes it, it beats down on his skin and almost stings, but it’s all good. He uses a slightly floral scented shampoo, but it leaves his hair soft, and after the bleaching it’s gone through, smelling like flowers isn’t as bad as having his head feel like a straw mat.
Even with the covers pulled over his head and the cotton caressing every square centimetre of his body he can’t sleep. He’s so tired it hurts, a deep ache in his bones and infused with the very neurons of his deep-fried mind. Still he can’t sleep, not at all.
When Massu comes home he brings a world of sound and noise with him –and Tego and Shoon. Koyama groans and tries to pull his body in on itself, it doesn’t work and by evening he up and making dinner for them. Still Shoon gives him a worried look before Massu assures him that Koyama always has those dark circles under his eyes. He gives a reassuring smile and Massu makes a joke about late nights and too much porn that has them all laughing.
As usual he’s out by eleven, he’s almost incapable of staying up late, it’s silly, but once he even fell asleep at his desk –and woke up in the bathtub. Still as he falls into his bed not even bothering with his alarm clock barely undressed it’s with a touch of irony that he’s allowed to sleep –now.
-_-_-_-_-_
“This is getting tiring.” Koyama whines, and Shige rolls his eyes.
“You’re telling me.” Shige grabs at the hood it pulls it until it hovers over his face better, “And keep your hood on.”
“Maa.” Koyama makes an annoyed noise, but Shige doesn’t say anything more. Tonight it seems they are walking across a desert, the sand is cool and it clings to his feet slowing him down.
Without the moon moving across the sky he has no way of knowing what time it is, sometimes these trips seem to take days on end, others it’s like the blink of an eye and he’s awake. Tonight every step is like walking on coals and even here in his own mind his body aches, and that doesn’t even seem possible.
But it is.
The hood falls as Koyama is hit by something, stumbling to the side, falling to his knees. Pain locks his chest up and he gasping, trying to breath but it feels like something heavy is pressing down on him and he just –can’t. Clawing at his throat, tears spring at his eyes; he’s going to die here isn’t he?
“Help…” Shige’s hands are like ice along his back, trying to relax him, but black dots are dancing in front of his eyes and his face fuzzes around the edges. “Help me…”
“Koyama, please…” Then he goes limp in the other’s arms.
-_-_-_-_-_
He needs new shoes. These ones feel all flat on the bottom, definitely worn out. He wonders exactly how many steps he’s rung up in these already, how many steps does he take in a night? In a week?
It’s a good thing that Uchi works in a shoe store.
The street is quiet and dark, a pretty normal looking residential neighbourhood; the only interest he could find here is peering into the windows. Discovering what these quiet normal people did in their free time. Ryo’d bet it’s anything but quiet and normal. It’s always the normal ones with the strange fetishes, Ryo’s thinks he may be crazy; but at least he’s harmless.
Looking at the street sign he tries to figure out which way to turn, the moon hangs just in the distance. Thick and full over the tops of the houses, and it’s unusual to see someone out in a neighbourhood like this past midnight. Sirens in the background and Ryo tilted his head a little, squinting at the figure walking down the street.
He looked drunk, really drunk, stumbling a little; but he didn’t look like he had been out clubbing, his clothes look more like lounge clothing. Something inside tells him to beware; this could be dangerous. Maybe a crazy person. Whisper of something crawling down his spine and he pulls the jacket just a little tighter around himself, he has no intention of walking up to help.
In the meantime the sirens have gotten louder, almost piercing now.
The events all suddenly fall into place like a puzzle and his blood runs cold, the red SUV is speeding down the street, tires screaming. Ryo’s moving before he knows what he’s supposed to do- he hears yelling and realizes that that’s his voice.
“Stop! Don’t walk!” There are screeching tires and the wail of sirens and Ryo can almost feel the rush of displaced air preceding the grill of the SUV smashing into his ribs. He’s not moving fast enough, he’s not going to make it, and they’ll both be road splatter.
The gravel ripped into his palms, but the body under his was soft and unresisting, and they were rolling until he slammed back-first into a parked car. It was with a bit of irony that the car alarm started to go off, the icing on the cake. Groaning the sirens faded into background noise and he had time to look at the body was he cradling so tightly to himself.
The first thing he noticed was the shape of his eyes, single eye-lids; elegantly slanted, framed with tinted lashes. Then he looked into their glassy depths, and couldn’t do it, so he slid them down over smooth cheekbones to the pinks lips.
“…Where am I?”
“Hell if I know.” That didn’t seem to faze him much; he blinked a bit and looked at the sky past Ryo’s face.
“Alright.” For a moment no one takes the initiative to move, he simply stares on past his face at the sky like he can see Jesus. It’s a bit insulting.
“Fucking car alarm.” Ryo finally hisses, and it’s not as easy as it looks to untangle them, not when the other seems to be more dead weight then human. His right foot hurts quite a bit and his palms are slowly oozing blood from a multitude of tiny cuts. He realizes with a bit of annoyance that the other man is taller then him –he to busy looking at his scrapped elbows to do much. “Do you know where you live?” It’s like dealing with someone especially stupid so far.
“…” He looked at the street signs and the houses for a moment, “Yeah I do. This way.” He starts walking, and since he didn’t say no and Ryo would like a band-aid or at least some thanking for saving his life he follows him.
The thought never occurs to him ‘this is what I was born for’.
Koyama is rather shocked he made it so far from home, how long had he been out here walking? He looks at the streets, so unfamiliar at night –when was the last time he was even awake to see the dark? Hugging himself he rubs numb hands up cold arms. The ground hurt his bare feet and he wondered how the cold air hadn’t awakened him.
“I sleep walk.” Koyama said at last, not bothering to look over his shoulder at the man he knew was following him. “I’m sorry about all of this, normally the medication works.”
“Sleep walk? I think I can empathize.” Koyama nods and a stray rock makes him wince. By the time they make it to the house –with the front door still open, all of Koyama’s many shoes inside- he’s almost hobbling and frozen solid. “Sit down.”
“Do you have any ice?”
“Yeah.” Koyama pads out of the room, and Ryo takes the time to look around the small tidy apartment, clearly he doesn’t live alone. Looking at the muscle magazine left sitting on the table he tries to imagine the skinny man reading it, lifting weights and he snorts to himself. “Here.”
Setting a box down on the table, he opens the lid and with long fingers pulls out the band-aids and the disinfectant.
“My name is Koyama Keiichiro, I’m 20.” Koyama likes to babble, he knows, everyone he meets inevitably knows within ten minutes too. “This is the latest I’ve been up in a long time, I’m usually in bed by now. Most nights I stay in my bed too, but I told you that.”
“I’m Ryo.”
“Ryo?”
“Ryo.”
“I like that.” Koyama nodded his approval and the other snorted, like it really meant anything to him. “What were you doing out so late? Not that I mind; thanks for bringing me home.”
“Walking.” Koyama simply nods again, approving without asking and it’s a strange habit but it makes Ryo feel at easy. He got the feeling that if he told Koyama about the voices in his head the other would smile a little and nod saying something inane. He just seemed the type.
“This is going to sting a little.” Fingers tap along his wrist, and a cotton swab is pressing against the dried blood. As usual it takes a few moments for the sting to kick in and he tries not to wince.
“I’m a man.” He says and Koyama actually giggles a little. He taps on the other wrist so Ryo flips them palm up so Koyama can inspect the damage. The little cuts sting when Koyama seems to rub in the peroxide and Ryo clenches his teeth against it.
He even gets half way through wrapping the bandages on before he slumps suddenly, face first into Ryo’s chest. After a moment of panic, and his pulse returns to normal does Ryo let out a soft curse. He’s fallen asleep.
Asleep of all things. Blinking away his confusion Ryo pushes on Koyama’s sharp shoulder bones until his head flops back on the stem of his long neck. Landing in a sprawl half on and half off the couch, one slipper has fallen off and doesn’t he just have the cutest toes? Shaking his head, half amused, and half vaguely annoyed. Unsure of what to do for a moment he finally decided on pulling the blanket off the couch to cover the sleeping man with, then carefully looking over the torn skin on his elbows. He can’t help but be gentle in the cleaning of the wounds, the arm in his hand feels just a little to thin –isn’t it ironic, people say that to him all the time too.
-_-_-_-_-_
Koyama wakes on the couch with a sore back and a sticky note stuck to the top of his hand. He actually feels rested, and there is a feeling in his chest, like he’s actually made progress, like a long journey and there is the half-way marker. The note on his hand and the blanket wrapped around him told him last night wasn’t just a weird dream, no his dreams were usually a bit weirder.
“What are you doing sleeping there?” Massu frowns, rubbing at his eyes hair sticking up all over the place. Koyama smiles a little and shakes his head.
“Taking a walk.”
“… Alright.” Massu has that look on his face that says ‘you’re weird’ but Koyama smiles it away and gets off the couch stretching his arms over his head to crack his back. The note flutters to the floor and he stoops quickly to pick it up, that’s a phone number he doesn’t want to loose.
Some time later when he’s absently looking at his feet and how they move against the smooth tile of the floor and Nakamaru and Jin are walking beside him. He nods in all the right places so that Jin keeps talking, but he’s thinking about Ryo (no other name offered). He had nice eyes and soft hair, and when they had been lying on the cold pavement, Koyama had never felt safer; which was odd. Any other day of the week he would have freaked out at least a bit waking up so far from home on the ground next to a shrieking car while the sirens fade away.
“Jin!” YamaPi rushes up to them, and as soon as they are standing face to face, the corner of the black haired man mouth twitches as he tries to hide a smile. “I have a question for you!”
“What is it?” Jin is oblivious and Nakamaru hides his smile.
“How do you scare a bee?” Without waiting for a response he screeches “BOOBY.” And pinches the other man’s nipples harshly through his shirt and Jin yelps, taking a leap back. Nakamaru breaks down laughing, using Koyama’s arm for support and he giggles along –so juvenile.
“That wasn’t funny, you’re so not cool.” Jin crosses his arms and YamaPi grins at him, soon enough his face splits into a grin. Jin launches into another story, gesturing wildly with large hands as he talks with the other man.
“Hey, you’re pretty quiet today.” Nakamaru smiles at him and Koyama smiles back.
“Yeah, had a weird night.”
“Wanna talk about it?” With a guilty grin Koyama nods and Nakamaru puts his hand on Jin’s arm stopping him mid-sentence. “I’m going to go grab some lunch with Kei, I’ll see you later.” Jin nods and ducks down quickly to steal a kiss.
“I’ll see you after class.”
“Yeah.” Nakamaru walks beside him and finally turns to him, “So how weird are we talking here? Normal weird, or weird by your standards?” Koyama snorts a little and worries his bottom lip.
“Weird by my standard I guess.”
“… Oh boy.” Nakamaru is grinning and there is nothing malicious about his sarcasm.
It’s a cup of lime jello later and one laughing fit that Koyama joins in nervously that his story is done. ‘Only you could turn sleep walking into a pick up.’
“So do I call him back?” Koyama frowns, just a little confused, Nakamaru may have had a really messed up relationship before but he’s the most steady one Koyama knows. He knows how to keep his wits about him, and most of all he knows how to make Koyama smile; so he likes Maru. He trusts him with these confusing dreams, he spills what happens, and besides the odd joke about his imaginary Shige he doesn’t seem to mind that it’s just a little fucked up.
“Sure why not, you said it yourself he’s hot. Sounds a but shady, but then so are you!”
“Maa, you’re so mean!”
Maybe he should call. There was just something about Ryo that make Koyama’s skin prickle. Some sort of dark mystery and Koyama was a sucker for the tall dark and handsome type –his mind filled in the lacking height, memory could be a deceiving thing. Yeah, he would call.
-_-_-_-_-_
Ryo woke slowly at first, only the first tendrils of rational thought trickling in past his closed eyelids. He didn’t want to be awake, something felt off, like the chemistry in his brain had shifted and now the equation was fundamentally different. Blinking he tried to focus on the alarm clock in front of him. It told him it was ten am, and for a moment he couldn’t process the thought, when was the last time he was up this side of noon?
He really couldn’t remember.
Last night he had used the phone sitting the cradle to call himself a cab, something inside him told that he didn’t feel like walking. Strange night as it was. Stranger yet, he fell asleep doing some of his reading, simply passed out at four in the morning. Three hours to early for a usual night.
His reflection squinted at him for a moment like he couldn’t quite recognize the man there.
“Hello stranger.” He said as much, and he has that annoying little smirk on his face.
“Hello yourself.”
“So that was interesting.” There is a look in his eyes that Ryo doesn’t recognize –ironic- and he frowns. “Did you like him?”
“Why do you ask?” It’s strange how he’s always questioning himself, while questioning himself.
“Do you think he’ll call back?” An amused look.
“How the fuck should I know?” Ryo rolls his eyes, and shoves the toothbrush in his mouth.
“Do you want him too? It would be nice, he looks like he can cook.” Ryo raises a sceptical eyebrow –what does that have to do with anything? Why is his subconscious so spastic? “Imagine a cute little bento for every day of the week.” Ryo snorts.
“You sure want him to call.”
“I can’t answer the question for you, you don’t believe a word I say.” He rolls his eyes, “you think I’m crazy.”
“No shit.”
It’s a good thing that he woke up early, because it gives him the opportunity to go see Uchi at work and find himself some new shoes. The sun is in a strange place in the sky, one he hasn’t visited for awhile, pushing his sunglasses further up on his nose and his hat lower to cover his ears. The subway is a lot busier during the day, and Ryo can’t even imagine what rush hour must look like. Millions of walking feet, like a endlessly long millipede.
The entire trip he thinks about the homework he still hasn’t done.
-_-_-_-_-_
It’s kind of funny, a really rather awkward parody of a date. Sitting on opposites of the table Ryo rolling his food around on his plate with his fork. He didn’t try with conversation and Koyama didn’t seem obliged to try either. So they ate accompanied by the click of silverware and the buzz of conversations from other tables.
“I study Literature.” He said at last, smiling as he took a sip of his glass of water.
“Psychology.” Ryo answered and Koyama looked at him surprised.
“I’ve never seen you around.”
“I go to night class.” For a moment Koyama only blinked then he started to giggle.
“I would have never guessed.” Slightly insulted, but then Koyama looked cute giggling so he chuckled along anyways. After that they began to talk a little, not a full conversation, but enough to find out they both thought the food was terrible. Koyama’s foot lined up with his under the table –against his new shoes- and he left them there enjoying the subtle contact.
Ryo had to hide his snort at the irony of them walking down the street, walking side-by-side, shoulders brushing. Koyama went back to babbling now that he was out of the restaurant, and Ryo nods, sort of paying attention, but more just watching the way pink lips moved from under the fringe of his bangs. When he catches his reflection in a closed store window he has a little indulgent smile he’s never seen on his face before.
“I liked this.” They stand in the doorway, and Ryo knows this is the typical moment, where your heart speeds up and you wonder, do we kiss? Ryo’s never been the indecisive type so he leans forward, catching the back of Koyama’s head with one hand, the other on his cheek. Koyama’s kiss was soft and Ryo found he really liked the way that the other’s lips moved against his. He liked the way that one hand found it’s way to his hip, and then another. Deepening the kiss into something a little more aggressive, his tongue flicked along Koyama’s lips and fingers tightened on his hips reflexively.
“I liked this too.” Ryo murmurs against Koyama’s lips, nipping the bottom one teasingly.
“Well then, let’s do it again some time.”
“Some time soon?” Koyama grins at him and Ryo nods.
“Yeah, some time soon.” Ryo leaves Koyama to go inside the house, slipping his hands into his pockets he wonders if that little smile is still there.
“Hot date?” Uchi elbows him a little and grins, and maybe he should have stopped smiling before.
“Yeah.” Uchi seems a little shocked.
“Really?”
“Is it that hard to believe?” Ryo arched an eyebrow, giving his friend a sceptical look.
“Just a bit, Ryo, you’re hot and all, but you’re a little anti-social.” He snorts.
“Just a little.”
“So what makes him worthy of the attention of the great Ryo?” Uchi preened a little, and Ryo chuckled again.
“Same as you I guess, I just like him.” Uchi beams a little and is contented, the lights dim and the ancient projector flares to life. And Ryo really wishes he could sleep through class like the girl in front of him.
-_-_-_-_-_
Date four has them sitting in Koyama’s car parked halfway between wherever there was to somewhere in the near future. Ryo’s mouth is hot along Koyama’s neck, biting at the delicate flesh, suckling on the salty skin. His hand is even hotter, rubbing him through the material of his pants.
Koyama’s elbow bounces off the steering wheel when he goes to reach for Ryo and he curses. It’s tangled and messy, but somehow he manages to get his pants undone, and pulled down just a bit. Ryo grips him like he’s the stick shirt and moves it into high gear, fingertips teasing, stroking and generally driving him mad. Arching his back off the seat Koyama moans, one hand gripping the steering wheel too tight –his ring is digging into his skin- the other has landed on Ryo’s thigh.
“You look really pretty like that.” Ryo whispers to the crook of Koyama’s neck letting his tongue play over the tanned skin. “Care to show me more, come on darling.” He comes with a low groan, throwing his head back against the headrest and trying as hard as he can to snap his hips up into the motion. Ryo bites his lip and watches, fascinated by how Koyama’s lips quiver as he breathes hard, trying to catch his breath and regain his composure.
His other hand, not the one petting languidly across the smooth tan skin of Koyama’s flat stomach, is awkwardly gripping himself. These fingers don’t quite know the rhythm properly.
“Here, let me help you with that then.” Ryo gives him a grin as long fingers move up this thing, finger walking along the denim. It’s with an almost shy smile that he leans over the armrest between them and kisses Ryo, long and slow. Like the way his fingers wrap around the velvety flesh, moving teasingly to the tip once and back down the base. Ryo’s annoyed sound it lost in the fraction of space between their mouths and Koyama does it again, this time more careful to gather the leaking fluid to lubricate his fingers a little. Arching into the touch Ryo lets out a little whimper, it feels good; but Koyama is not holding nearly tight enough nor moving fast enough.
“More.” Ryo hisses, and it’s their time, late afternoon; passing into dinner time, and just before twilight. “Come on Koyama, you can touch harder then that.”
“Like this?” Moving his wrist at a different angle and he’s touching all the right places, somehow better still because it’s Koyama’s hand on his dick, not Uchi’s and not his own.
“Yeah.” Letting his eyes slide closed, concentrating on the feeling of Koyama’s hand on the most intimate part of his anatomy, and his lips pressing against the pulse point on his neck. Teeth nipped teasingly, and Ryo couldn’t figure out if Koyama was naughty or nice, and hell if he cared anyways- orgasm is rocketing closer and closer.
Ryo moans pressing his face to Koyama’s fragrant hair, feeling the strands slid along he cheek, hypersensitive to everything around him. Koyama’s lazy smile, and the way his hand keeps moving softly, brining him down from his high.
“This is the first time my car got some action.” Koyama comments offhandedly, wiggling to get his pants back up and his boxers in the right place.
Here turned out to be an all night truck stop, just off the road, off the interstate. Ryo kind of the likes the interior, it feels like taking a big step back in time, and the vinyl booths amuse him. This time it’s his foot nudged up against Koyama’s under the table, and it’s like have eye-sex, the way Koyama looks at him, and he looks back- and they both smile. It’s comfortable, it’s good.
Ryo doesn’t like people; generally they are just a bit too stupid for his taste. He likes Uchi, Uchi is frank and he’ll tell you that you look like crap when you do- his brand of honesty is refreshing. He likes Koyama, the way he laughs, the way he smiles, the way he titles his head to the side a little when he’s confused. It’s also about the way they kiss, soft and sweet or hot and heavy. It’s about the way he can tell Koyama about his walks; he just kid of nods like Ryo is telling him about the weather outside.
Koyama thinks the night is beautiful; Ryo promised to take him out to see it on their third date- Koyama fell asleep in the car. He had covered the other with his jacket and shook his head in a bemused fashion. He needed to enlist Massu’s help to get Koyama’s dead weight into his bed, but once tucked in Ryo left him a note and a quick kiss.
“So I know the stereotype about bar tenders, but if one more drunk slob tries to tell me about how his wife spends all her money on a host I’m going to throw his next drink at him.” Koyama covered his giggle by taking a sip from his glass of water. “They always look the same too, older, balding, greasy failures for a salary man.”
The image of Ryo in his apron looking bored while some man tried to chat him up is almost too much and Koyama bites his lip grinning widely. Looking up sharply Ryo narrows his eyes and taps Koyama wrist, smirking. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.” Koyama smiles, and Ryo snorts.
“Oh? And is it good for you?” Taking a sip from his black coffee Koyama’s hand twists, brushing against his where it was resting on his wrist still.
“You know it is.”
It’s much later when Ryo is walking around alone looking at the swollen moon hanging just over the lines of houses. He wonders what it feels like to fall in love, does it hurt like falling implies? Will he know the moment that he’s in love, like some sort of warm and squishy thing blooming in his chest? Or will it happen gradually, over time; one day he’s going to look up and it’ll hit him like a train – by god, I’m in love!
Hesitantly, more like a fragile hope then an actual thought – is Koyama the one?
-_-_-_-_-_
“What’s going on?” Koyama asks, bewildered by the breeze that moves the emerald leaves and the huge harvest moon that kisses the velveteen sky. The grass whispers sweet nothing against his ankles and Shige’s skin almost glows in the light, has this urge to pull his hood back to look at everything better but that’s not a step he’s fully willing to risk yet.
“What do you think?” He looks sort of annoyed and Koyama can’t help the small indulgent smile.
“I think we’re here aren’t we?”
“Yeah, I’d say so.” Here is a long grassy field, and Koyama watches as a small wild flower begins the sprout, followed by another.
“I like it here.” Shige smiles at him.
“Me too, so Koyama; where is here?” Koyama bites his lip, and that’s the million-dollar question isn’t it. Where is here, he likes it; it spreads a feeling of peace through his wary limbs, and he can’t imagine a better place. He just doesn’t know what it is, and with the image of Ryo’s smile his in mind he turns to Shige.
“I don’t know.” Shige grins at him and nods, sensing the epiphany. “But I don’t care because I’m happy here.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“You are me.” Koyama reminds him and Shige rolls his eyes.
-_-_-_-_
He’s not sleepy; in fact Ryo is wide-awake, looking at the streetlights outside the window. This is nothing like his always dark room, in fact the light in here is so soft he can look down and see the lines of Koyama’s relaxed face. He has this sweet little smile on his lips and Ryo wonders what he’s dreaming about for a moment, whatever it is he’s happy there.
But for once he doesn’t feel like walking. In fact he kind of feels like cuddling. So he does, and he tells himself he’ll only close his eyes for a moment, long enough to get rid of that scratchy feeling behind his eyes. He falls asleep pretty fast for someone who isn’t sleepy.
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no subject
Date: 2007-03-23 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-23 04:59 pm (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2007-03-23 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-23 07:42 pm (UTC)The idea was pretty neat ne =D, what can I say; insomnia does wonders for the muses.
Thanks so much!
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Date: 2007-03-24 12:09 am (UTC)You know...I don't think I've ever mentioned this to you before...but I think you have some pretty unique ideas. XDDD
Anyways, love this~ =DDD
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Date: 2007-03-24 12:54 am (UTC)mmm... scrabmled brains. 8D
Thanks as always, I wondering when you'd find this.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 08:53 am (UTC)this was just urghhh so goood
so so so goood
i, just, really algfsijfl;
and love lots
and speechless
and not making sense
ok and i lurveed this
just, thank you for writing, you are my hero
keiishikido!! ♥
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Date: 2007-03-24 05:26 pm (UTC)Thanks for the sweet comment~!
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Date: 2007-03-24 09:47 am (UTC)I love the characterizations of everyone~ ♥
I would say more, but this killed my brain (in a good way) and yeah. I can't think. Well, it's not like I ever do, but...right.
Wonderful. Simply wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 10:46 am (UTC)This is one of the best one-shot fics revolving around KoyamaXRyo that I've ever read <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I love ur writing style ^_^
and the story.
unique, really. in a good way :DD
just..woah
Do write more XDD~
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Date: 2007-03-24 05:28 pm (UTC)Thank you, this was a bit of a test of a new writing style, and then it just wouldn't end.
We'll see ^_~
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Date: 2007-03-24 03:24 pm (UTC)but i'm still laughing from 'Booby'
i can't breathe!!!
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Date: 2007-03-24 05:30 pm (UTC)... you've never had anyone do that to you? It's rather frightening.
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Date: 2007-03-25 06:36 am (UTC)i have, just that it's jin and it's yamapi and that makes it 100000x funnier.
and stupider.
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Date: 2008-10-24 10:08 pm (UTC)Just. The way you write stories is awesome to me :D
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Date: 2008-10-27 02:34 am (UTC)Haha, thanks =DDD I'm glad you like it!!
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Date: 2008-10-27 04:17 am (UTC)